Pet Idea Straight From PBS Kids and Kindergarten

What happens when your child's Kindergarten class spends the week learning about bats, and then PBS Kids runs a cartoon show about how cool real bats are?  Bats become reinforced as the must have pet choice.


My 5 yr old's Kindergarten class did spend a whole week talking all about bats. Every day we got new and detailed information about all the different types of bats and how cool they are.  Then, PBS Kids' Wild Kratts ran a cartoon show about brown bats. Nifty.

Now, it has been thoroughly reinforced that bats are awesome and we must have one. Now. As a pet.

My 5 yr old:
"We need to get a brown bat as a pet. Call Petsmart and see if they have any. If they don't they will call you when they get some in. Then, they will tell you which ones are diseased and which ones are not. Let's get one without disease. They will tell us to keep it inside so it wont get a fungus from outside. By the way, what color  is bat fungus? I want to know so I can avoid it when I go outside. Yeah. Bats are cool."

Wow. Just. Really. Wow.
Bats, huh?
From Petsmart, apparently.

PD Warning Against Giving Alcohol to Minors Inspires My 5 Yr Old to Become Alcoholic

Yesterday Held Unexpected Outcomes When Our Local PD Raised Awareness of Alcohol Abuse in Minors  with BRIGHT FLASHY Road Signage... And Now My 5 Yr Old Is Planning to Become an Alcoholic. D'OH!

"Mom, when I am 21 and I have a job, I am going to have a Woodchuck for breakfast every day before I go to work as a video game designer."

Way to aim high baby.

Then she says, "Is that Illegal?" 

Yeah, sort of. 

It all happened as we were running our errands around town yesterday. See, our local PD has a flashing road sign that is always lit up with some semi-humorous quote such as "Free Photos with ever DUI" or something like that. They are really trying to help the drunk driving and underage drinking problem by raising awareness locally. Yesterday, the signage was talking about how it is illegal to host a drinking party in your own home for minors.  

My 5 yr old got really annoyed when she read that.  "WHAT??! You mean we aren't allowed to have soda or water or juice or anything at our parties anymore??!!"   So, I had to explain that it was referring to alcohol. That if you are under the age of 21 you are not allowed to legally drink alcohol.  She asked, "What is alcohol? Coke? You say Coke is a grown up drink and won't let us have any."  I said, "No. Not Coke. Coke is just unhealthy. I let you drink that sometimes. Beer. Beer is alcohol."  My child responds, "OH! Well. Beer is gross. Ladies and girls do NOT drink beer. Only boys drink beer." 

Well, at least at the ripe old age of 5 she has standards.  So, I tell her that isn't the case. Some women do like beer. For example, the Woodchuck Cider that mommy sometimes drinks on a rare occasion could be considered a beer in certain circles.  She says, "Ah."

Long Pause.

Then...

"Mom, when I am 21 and I have a job, I am going to have a Woodchuck for breakfast every day before I go to work as a video game designer."

*note. We are not "drinkers" in our house. We might get a 6 pack of something and it will take myself and my husband 3 months to finish it. Currently, we don't even have any wine or cooking wine in the house.... this is why this declaration humors me so very much. It was purely prompted by the anti-minor alcohol abuse signage! 

I Have a Few Reputations.. This One Took Me By Surprise...

Have I Taken My Love of Bargaining and Bartering Too Far?


One of the ways I help my family out as a Stay At Home Mom is that I am always looking for a way to earn money for the family from home.  I buy things for resale purposes on Ebay and in my yard sales, etc. I also look at what's trending around town and figure out how to make certain items for selling... deluxe hair bows, diaper cakes, bridal shower towel cakes, diaper wreaths, baby washcloth lollipops, etc.. all very cute!

And I am pretty good at selling things and sweet talking folks, if I do say so myself.  Which is a skill that comes in handy as a SAHM! I remember one recent trip to a local restaurant where they were out of fried pickles. (how does that happen, right??!)  I very sweetly spoke with the owner and by the end of the conversation, I had him convinced it was his idea to send his unhappy about it wife to the store to go buy more pickles for us.  When she came back, in a terrible mood I might add, I had a quiet conversation with her. By the end of THAT conversation, not only was she totally pleased to have gone to get our pickles, but she was also handing out free dessert to my party of 5! :)

Anyway.. Back to the story at hand:

Well, I was visiting my mom recently and one of her best friends happens to be a good friend of mine. He was hanging out with us, and we were all discussing my upcoming yard sale.

He was joking with us and stated that he could just see a browser coming up to me holding a shirt and saying "do you have this in the next size up?" and looking at my kid.  Then, he made a comment about how he could just see me telling my child to take their shirt off and hand it to the shopper.... My mom and I exchanged a look and the room fell into an awkward silence as our friend stopped laughing and said "NO WAY! You would not do that? Oh my God! You so totally would! Wouldn't you??!!"

Ok, the truth is that I would NOT have my kid take their clothes off so I could sell them... but we got quiet before we started laughing too.. because the truth isn't too far behind that... I have had browsers make a comment along the lines of "if only you had 2 of these toys so my kids wouldn't fight over them, I would buy both of them.. With only one, I can't just buy one..." And I have then dashed in my house real quick-like and pulled the matching item out of my secret Christmas toy stash and brought it out to the customer!!! I figure, hey! Either the kids will never know the difference, or I can use the profit from the sale to either replace or buy something better in the place of that particular item....

That's not the same as pulling clothes off my kids to make a buck, right?? That's just smart business practice, right right??


Good times.

But really. My kids are totally spoiled at Christmas either way! Ha!

Selling the shirts off their backs, indeed. What do you all take me for!

They Are Smarter Than We Are... And Some of Them Even Know It...

Or, How I Almost Lost My 3 Yr Old When She Tried To Bail Out of My Moving Vehicle.....

Hello, Blog World! Miss me? I missed all of you! It has been a crazy life.. yes, crazier than usual, if you can believe it.. but enough of that.. on to the norm.. the crazy norm.

My 3-yr old has figured out what takes most kids many many years to figure out.. most don't even figure it out until well into their teenage years... that hidden truth.. you know the one... the unspoken one... 

EACH GENERATION SEEMS TO BE THE TEENSIEST SMARTER THAN THE PREVIOUS GENERATION... OR AT LEAST THEY THINK THEY ARE!  

Our parents blamed the internet or MTV... I think my generation will blame YouTube and I Phones or Twitter or whatever... But, here goes:

My 3 yr old has that terrible habit. She always says "Are we there yet? Are we there NOW?"  

So, I thought I outsmarted her. I started replying "Yep. We sure are."   At first, she would sit there a little confused. You know, the car was still moving, or we were at a red light, or since when did we move in to the Mc D's drive thru line?   Then, she got the humor and would giggle and it would make her be quiet for a while. She "got it" that she needed to be patient and quit asking and that it would be obvious when we "got there".  

Then, one day, she asked "Are we there yet?"  I replied, "yep."  And she was solidly quiet.  Nothing. Nada. Just the cold dreadful silence of a 3-yr old deep in scheming thought....

The next day, she asked "Are we there yet?" while we were cruising at a steady 55mph down the highway.  I replied smugly and happily with my "Yes, honey, we sure are."  (Did I mention how happy I was to have discovered this set of responses to that particular age old question? Once I found that response, I cut having to respond to that question from about 20 times each car ride down to just once per trip! I am so very smart!)

BUT OH NO! THIS TIME SOMETHING HAPPENED!

My daughter says very straight laced, "Ok, Mommy. I am going to unbuckle now and open my door now then."  She starts to fiddle with her buckle just enough to let it make noise and PANIC MOMMY!!! while she reaches for the door lock... 

I start freaking out and all but yelling "NO! Don't MOVE!  WE ARE NOT THERE! Do NOT OPEN THAT DOOR OR UNBUCKLE! OMG! STOP!!"  I am having kittens and about to have a heart attack... when all of a sudden these little evil giggles erupt from my back seat...

"I know, I know, Mommy. We aren't there. I just kidding."

Lesson Learned. Don't be a sassy mom. Oh my goodness. Those kids are way too smart. WAY TOO SMART FOR THEIR OWN GOOD!  Please let me survive their childhood!

Now it goes like this:

Are we there yet?

Yes We are. But don't unbuckle or Open your door. Because we aren't really there.

SIGH.

That is NOT a Brown Ball of Play Doh: A Cautionary Tale for Parents Of Preschoolers that Love Horses

CAUTION! This is ANOTHER One of THOSE Stories.. But This Time, It Is About Horse Manure.


Our friends recently got a horse. Yay! :) Free Pony Rides for the kids!

What could be bad about that, right? With a horse comes manure.  Which is fine and natural and a good fertilizer... but not so good as a substitute for balls and Play Doh.

Yesterday, my kids were playing in our friends' backyard with other kids.  This backyard is pretty neato. It has swings, and play houses, and slides, and even a sand pit!  And, as the owners of the horse are super awesome and let the kids interact with the horse and brush the horse, etc, this backyard has a small area in the back corner where the horse likes to relieve itself.

The kids stayed away from that corner all day. It was pretty easy to do as this is a LARGE backyard.

Fast Forward to the end of the day.  The horse had been put back out in the pasture.  So, I let my big kids play outside for a little while before I called them in to get cleaned up.  It is the type of situation where the older kids are fine to run and play in the yard without constant supervision. Supervision from the window with the occasional checking on them outside works fine.

I went to check on them.  I found my 3 yr old hopping over piles of horse poo. Or I thought that is what she was doing.  In reality, she was hopping ONTO the piles of poo... like a game... And as I glanced down, I realized I was STANDING NEXT TO HER SHOES! Yep. A game of Barefooted Poop Stomping was in full swing.  Then, as I started to call out to her, I stared on in shock and horror as I saw her reach down and PICK UP a round horse nugget... and THROW IT like it was a ball. She giggled and I started losing my mind and yelling at that point.


Really?? Horse Poop as toys?  Gross and Yuck.  My friend chuckled and said, "well, at least it's only processed hay and such."

Nice.

I hope I will laugh about this soon.  And I hope I NEVER catch a kid doing that again.

JimDandyPhobia

JimDandyPhobia... Because it Just Sounds so Much Better Than Plantophobia.




When my 5 yr old was about 1 and a half years old, my husband and I took her to a playground that had been neglected by the lawn care providers.  We carried her to the swings, set her down in the grass, and just stood there in shock as she proceeded to scream in abject terror.  She all but climbed her daddy trying to get him to pick her back up.  


When my 5 year old was 2 years old and we were in my car, we had the misfortune to stop the car at a light where there was lots and lots of high weeds on the corner.  She looked out the window and started proclaiming in fear and dismay "WEE! WEE!" (weeds)  She did not settle down until we drove off.


Then, she refused to play in Nana's backyard every time we visited over the next few years, UNLESS Nana called her yard guy in advance. Now, Nana has a nice backyard. It is landscaped and everything... but it is prone to those tall "Y" weeds.  


Finally, about a year ago, the 5 1/2 yr old seemed to magically and wonderfully forget this fear.  


Until Last Week.


My 5 yr old and 3 yr old were standing at my car, about to get in.  The 3 yr old took a step back to allow me to open the door for them... she stepped backward into the grass. And, right in the middle of a small cluster of "Y" weeds.  The 5 yr old GASPED! And said, "OH NO, Oh Honey! You are in the weeds! Hurry, step out!  Are you OK??!  Did that weed HURT YOU? Poor honey!"


What??! What what?? Did the WEED hurt the 3 yr old? Really??? And where the heck did "honey" come from?


The 3 yr old said "Mmm Hmmm. (yes) That bad weed hurt me. Where's the weed? What?"


Yeah.


So, I tried to look up Fear of Weeds, but all I could come up with was Fear of Marijuana, Fear of Dandylions (Jimdandyphobia), and Fear of Plants.




This is such a bizarre phobia to me. I am wondering if we will ever outgrow this one!

New Character for the Mr. Men, Little Miss Series

My 3 Year Old Loves to Be in Everyone's Business.

Today, She Came Up With a New Character for an Old Classic!

So, we are visiting friends and family right now.  I have been going super crazy dealing with the kids in new environments. They want to explore everything, get into everything, and talk everyone's ear off while they try to get all my adult friends to pay attention to them. You know, the basic joys of taking a 5 yr old, 3 yr old, and 19month old on a road trip to visit folks you don't see that often.

Today, we were chilling with a close friend of the family.  He got a phone call and my 3 yr old instantly perked up.. she wanted to know who he was talking to and why.  She said "Who's your friend? What's your friend's name? Nosy? Mama said your friend's name was Miss Nosy!"

He looked at me, I looked at him and we were both confused.. until he bust out laughing.  He "got there" quicker than I did and made the connection.  

Here's how it really went:

Our friend got the call.. and while he was talking on the phone, 

3 yr old:  Who are you talking to? Who's your friend?

Me: Miss Nosy, Hush Now!

See, I was telling my 3 yr old she was being a rude butt-insky.  She thought I was telling her that the friend's name literally was Miss Nosy.

The best part was that when our friend was done laughing, he turned to me and said, "You have GOT to I am SAHM this one!!"

I see a new character for the Mr. Men/ Little Miss series!

My 5 Yr Old is Pretty Sharp

My 5 Yr Old Pays CLOSE Attention to Everything.

I am pretty proud of my 5 yr. old. She is always soaking everything in and paying attention to all the little details.

Yesterday, the Easter Bunny made a surprise visit to our home early in the AM.  We had to rearrange the holidays due to some scheduling issues.

Upon waking to find her Easter basket, my 5 yr old says, "Oh! Is it April 24 already?? Wait. Isn't that Mom's Ebay stuff??!"

Yes, she busted us that it wasn't the real Easter. The bunny must have known we needed it a week early.  And, the Easter bunny must have gotten the basket goodies and toys from the same place that mom had gotten her Easter Ebay Inventory to sell..............

Sigh.

The funny part is that my husband and I have been so busy that we know Easter is this next weekend, but we were not sure the date off the top of our heads! We should have asked the 5 yr old.

Also, I am pretty proud of how she pays attention to my couponing and deal seeking.  Today, she spent that last of a $50 gift certificate to Target that she has had for almost 6 months.  She waited patiently for deals and coupons. What did she get for $50?

A Mario (pink) rolling backpack, a Yoshi coin purse clip on, 4 Super Mario Bro Cartoon DVDS (each bought using coupons!), the Live Action Mario Movie on DVD (with John Leguizamo.. sp?),  AND a Doodle Pro Magnetic Doodler by Fisher Price, and a Pretzel from the cafe to treat herself!

This kid of mine is pretty sharp!  

I Deserve Mother of the Year Award. So Sayeth the Rainbow!

I Have Had Some Good Ideas Lately RE The Kids.

I Think This One Is The Best One.

The Rainbow Agrees!

As is the usual, the kids got up at an ungodly hour yesterday.  I was exhausted. I have had some late nights and am really starting to get annoyed at these little alarm clocks that go off about 5 AM every day.

I am not a morning person. 

I arranged my college classes to be afternoon or night classes. I was even genius enough to get most of the classes on Tues and Thurs so I could have Fri, Sat, Sun, and Mon off in a row! (well, some semesters that worked out....) 

The unfortunate part is that my husband is not a morning person either.

So, back to yesterday. Here come the alarm clocks bouncing around the room. We had managed to put them off until about 6 or so, but that is still way too early for me. And, that was AFTER we put them BACK in bed when they first got up at 5.  

I ignore the kids. Or try to. But, it is close to impossible to ignore the pinching I am getting on my leg from my husband that appears to be blissfully asleep.  Under the covers, he is trying to make my life miserable so I will get out of bed and deal with the kids.

Out of the blue, a stroke of inspiration.... I say "GO TO THE LIVING ROOM! Put your cartoons on and let Mommy sleep. IF you let me sleep in a little today and leave me alone, I will give you SKITTLES for breakfast!!!"

WHOOSH! My room cleared immediately and I got 45 whole min longer to sleep.  (Don't judge, I was desperately tired).

My husband cracked an eye and a smile when I said they could get Skittles.  

But, I have a great idea now.  I think I am going to BAN cartoons and video games on Fridays from now on.. just to get the kids to start jonesing for them.

Then, right before I go to bed Friday nights, I am going to put out some Skittles by the TV.  I figure that by the time Sat morning comes around, the kids will be desperate for Barney.  Then, they can just wake up, go turn on Barney, and sit down with their Skittles while I sleep in a little.  

I am really loving this plan.  Rot my kids brains and their teeth!  

But, a happy well rested Mommy is a big deal too, right?  AND, my kids love salad and love to read... for the record!   Also, before you say just go to bed earlier, I go to bed at a decent time most nights.  I am always tired because these three kids take turns waking up in the middle of the night (an average of 4 times we get woken up by the kids every night) and then wake up super early.

I am sure that Skittles approves my new "how to be a good and well rested Mommy" plan. 

My New Ringtone

How to Get Peace When on The Phone:

I Think a New Ringtone is Needed

Just a short and sweet one today, folks. And, you can proceed and read without caution. This post is clean.

I had a great A HA! moment today. The kids were playing. They were watching tv. They were going to swing in the backyard. They had no time for me whatsoever.

Then the phone rang. It was my mom.. so I answered.

ALL OF A SUDDEN, I had three kids surrounding me, hounding me, bugging me, driving me crazy.  Just that fast. 

They can sense it. They KNOW when I am on the phone.  I started griping about it. Out of a general gripe came a stroke of genius:

"I can't believe this guys. I am on the phone and you are being rude. Leave Mommy alone. If I had called you to clean your play room or do chores, you would scatter.  Leave Mommy... hey.. now that's an idea..."

So, my new ringtone is going to be me calling to them in my best nagging mother voice:

"Girls! Come HERE RIGHT NOW!  Your playroom is a total wreck! Go clean it. And when you are done, go organize the pile of shoes in the laundry room!!!"

I am now guaranteed at least 15 min of them leaving me alone to hide from my chore requests before they catch on to me being on the phone..   The only thing is that my kids are really smart.  So, I am going to have to change my ring tone frequently with different words and tones and intonations.

This Blog Needs a ReName

I am SAHM

The Poop Chronicles of a One and a Half Year Old

Or, Why I am Glad I Coupon for All My Free Soap and Disinfectants.

I know, I know. ANOTHER POST about baby poop. SO SORRY! Don't Read it if you are squeamish. This one is the worst, yet.  I was thrilled to PIECES that this story happened out of town while visiting friends and family. (note the sarcasm)

One such friend is childless. I am sure I reinforced why during our visit last week. 

Last week, maybe due to traveling, who knows.. but last week, our soon to not be a baby 18month old had bad tummy problems. She went 6 days before she had a productive.. movement.  I tried all the tricks in the book to help her out... juice, watermelon, lots of water, milk (she has my lactose intolerance), and even the q-tip and vaseline trick...I am sure it is exactly what you are thinking it is... you know..  like taking their temperature.....if you can help stuff get started on its way out, sometimes that is all it takes... going in and getting a little out... usually, with my other two, that particular trick resolved the original problem within about 2 minutes.... no such luck this time. All it did was traumatize the baby... poor thing!!!!

So, I decided not to try that one again. I knew that I had one option left before having to take her to the dr... Baby Pedialax. AND! It was CHOCOLATE Flavor! I was desperate. My baby was crying and sometimes screaming in pain on regular intervals. We would be out in public, and she would walk up to me, pulling her shirt over her head, and crying "MAMA! PLEE!  POOP! HELP! PLEE!!"  But nothing would happen other than she cried.

So I gave her a dose and a half.

Her tummy gurgled all night long. I know this because she got into bed with me the third time she cried in fifteen minutes.  It was a fitful night. 

Finally, at about 7 am, she stood on the bed and her face got red. She said "POOP!" and I heard her diaper get loaded. HOORAY!

Whew. 

Only, we were not at our house, but in the guest room of the family and friends we were visiting.  (A family member who rents a room out to a friend...)  So, I made a quick decision NOT to change the baby on the bed or the floor, but to change her on the fold out Princess foam sofa that our family bought for when my kids visit. This thing has been great for 5 yrs.  And, it had a zip off slip cover just in case.. desperate times and all that.

So, I lay the baby down and start to change her diaper. Only, in the middle of taking her diaper off, she looks to the right and sees the vaseline and goes into melt down panic PTSD mode.  I tried to calm her and reassure her that I was NOT going to do that again.. that she had gone potty and I just needed to wipe her.  At 18 months she was having none of that. SO, she stood up. OF COURSE!

And, since I had just woken up, I had a night shirt and under things on. When she stood up, she pushed the dirty diaper right into my lap with her foot. Poo all over my legs and lap and well you get the point.  Then, while I was trying to wrangle her, she reached behind her saying "POOP! POOP! HELP!" and tried to get the poop off her herself. And got it on her hand, in her hair, on her clothes, in my hair, just everywhere. Then, she got still.

Thank Goodness. 

Only Not.

Round TWO of POOP landed right on me and the Princess sofa.

I was just shocked. At this point, our family member came in to check on us. She saw the situation and started to try to help. I sent her away. I mean.. no sense in her getting covered too. She went to make sure I could keep my modesty in tact while I ran half naked to the shower with a naked poop covered baby. She got our friend to go lock themselves in their room for a few moments so we could dash.

Once in the shower, we had to borrow a bar of soap and use it places even soap shouldn't go. Several scrubbings and wiping of the tub down later, I was finally ready to step out of the shower and dry off so I could then get the baby out.  She likes to sit in the spray and play.  She started playing with a toy. Only, there weren't any toys around. Yep. You guessed it.

Round THREE.

So, I wipe the tub down and start cleaning her again. 

She peed on my foot.

Then

Round FOUR.

Finally, after a hundred hours later, we were both clean, disinfected, scrubbed, and dressed. And the baby was thoroughly diapered.

And the tub and shower was disinfected, rinsed, wiped down, and scrubbed again. 

Oh, and that bar of soap went into the trash. Guess I will be couponing for a replacement! :)

It really really is one of those hilarious situations in hindsight.  And, the baby was supposed to spend some time in a baby nursery that day so I could take a nap. I was sooo tempted to send her along and let others deal with the poop for the day... but I felt too guilty about thinking about doing that. So I kept her home and took her to Shoney's to eat free at the breakfast bar. 

After all, she had about 10 lbs to regain.

Eat Your Vegetables, Don't Play With Them.

The Other Day I Had a Big Problem.

The Kids Would Not Stop Playing With Their Veggies.

The other day started with as much chaos, etc as usual. I was scrambling to get the family some breakfast and clean the kitchen. I finally grabbed a cup of coffee and stepped out of the kitchen.

And promptly lost my mind.

Every room of the house, it seemed, had been invaded... by potatoes. The first potato was found under the dining room table. I was annoyed, but it seemed about par for the course. One of the kids, probably the baby, had snuck a potato out of the pantry while I was cleaning. Nice.

I went to confront the kids in the living room. They weren't there watching cartoons. There were 2 more potatoes in their place enjoying Elmo. Ok. I went from annoyed to mildly amused and frustrated. I scooped the taters up and headed towards the play room.

Another potato greeted me in the hall on the way.  I started to think I was losing my mind at this point.

Then another potato or two in the play room and a final potato in the girls' bedroom. This final potato was in the baby's hands.  Apparently, according to the five year old, potatoes make excellent balls to roll and play catch with.  And, apparently from the marks in the potatoes, if you get hungry in the middle of playing and you are only one and a half years old, the potatoes make for a quick and easy nibble snack.  The baby also had an empty potato sack with her. I smell a conspiracy. That sack, when it was full, would have been too heavy for the baby to haul off by herself, let alone sneak out from under my nose.

SIGH.

I finally got the potatoes back where they belonged.  

Then, I go about my day filled with chores.  I get to the bathroom. Something seems "off".  I can't immediately put my finger on it.  So, I start straightening the bathroom. I get to the drawer where we keep diaper cream and flushable wipes, etc. And I find a stack of fresh carrots. The same carrots I gave the baby an hour ago to snack on. Neatly filed away in the worst drawer for foodstuffs. 

SIGH.

Then, it hits me. The foam seat part of the toddler toilet is missing. I look everywhere for it. Can't find it anywhere. 

Finally, hours and several shenanigans later, I sit down for the first time of the day.  Sitting on my couch, I immediately see the toilet seat. Wedged under my TV Entertainment center. 

SIGH.

Potatoes, Carrots, and Potty Seats.  Thankfully, a friend called and invited the kids over to play. So, I loaded the monsters up and took them to go get worn out at a friend's house.  By the time we got back home after that, it was time for Daddy to come home and help....

Do NOT Make Eye Contact With Your Kids. Or at Least Not With Mine

I Have Learned My Lesson The Hard Way:

It Is Almost NEVER a Good Thing To Make Eye Contact With My Kids.

It may sound weird or harsh, but I have learned over the years that nothing good can ever come of making eye contact with my kids. At least, not during certain scenarios. Now, to be on the safe side, I try to avoid making eye contact with them at all costs.

This is especially true in the following situations:

• When one of my children falls down.  I have to look at them from the corner of my eye to make sure they are ok. Then, I clap. And cheer. Otherwise, my kid is going to fall to pieces and yell and cry and act foolish. IF I make eye contact, the boo boo that they could have brushed off and continued on their way with just becomes this ER worthy scratch full of drama, etc.  I add the clapping bit because it startles them out of being upset they fell and makes them smile and look around for what's going on.
• When they crawl into bed with me first thing in the morning. It is technically their time to wake up and get the day started. But I am really tired.  If I don't look them in the eye and smile, I can convince them to lie quietly and snuggle for 15 minutes. As soon as either I or my husband make eye contact, it is all over. The kid wants to smile and sit up and flirt with you and the possibility to doze 15 more minutes is gone. (By the way, dear... I love how you wake up all smiles when the kids come hug on you first thing, but please.. don't keep making eye contact. That last 15 minutes of rest is precious to me!)
• When driving in the car.  Again, you realize all of a sudden that your car trip has become unexpectedly quiet and peaceful.  You glance in the rearview mirror to see what's going on or if the kids have fallen asleep.  Big mistake! You just caught one of the kids looking at you. You made eye contact. Now, within 3 minutes of this happening, your backseat will break out in pandemonium. This happens every time. Now, I try to just let the kids be magically quiet without my interference or eye contact.
• When your child does something naughty that is downright hilarious.  This is one of the few times that you should NOT make eye contact while scolding your child.  When you make eye contact, one of you will twitch trying not to smile, and then it is all over with and you are trying to contain your giggles. That is just not effective for behavior modification.
• When your child is FURIOUS at a sibling.  I don't know how universal this one is. But I do know that when my 3 yr old is mad at her older sister, I cannot make eye contact with her. If I do, she gets into big trouble. Something about my gaze makes her come take her frustration out on me. Then, we get into a stand-off. It is just really unpleasant.
• When your child is off playing happily by themselves or with their friends.  Don't ruin your peace by making eye contact. They will then decide to come bug you.
• When you are enjoying a snack or treat that the kids can't have. Or you are eating something right after they have snack and they are supposed to wait for the next meal to eat.  IF you get busted sneaking a mini Snickers, etc.. do NOT make eye contact.  If you can, pretend to do something important instead. Otherwise, you will get begged for a treat, snack, etc.
• When you are on the phone. NEVER make eye contact while you are on the phone. It is like inviting your kids to come have a conversation with you while you are already talking to someone else.

I love my kids. I do. And I spend plenty of time with them. And I make eye contact with them often. Just never in those above situations if I can help it.

The Baby Is Equal Opportunity on Cleavage

A Post About Cleavage

And Hand Warming

Just to catch you up, my 18 month old has been weaned for about 9 months, give or take a month or two.  

She has gone from embarrassing me by trying to nurse through my t-shirt when I am holding her out in public.. to reaching in my shirt and trying to "free the girls"... on to now just simply shoving her hands into my bra and cleavage to just keep them there... to warm her hands possibly?

This is a bad habit that is getting out of control. It is really hard to stay modest. Also, as the baby is in a clingy mama mood, she wants me to hold her all the time. Which gives her more opportunity to warm her hands in my cleavage no matter what type of top I am wearing.  It is a little disconcerting when she does this while we are hanging out with friends. When I am in public, I can fool myself into thinking I blend in with the scenery and no one is noticing. When you are at a friends' house and it is just two couples and the kids, it is very obvious what the baby is doing.

I think it is funny for now, but if the kid starts actually flashing nipple or something, I am going to be up a creek. This is one of those things they don't tell you about before you have children.  

Today, this cleavage hand warming habit took a turn for the worse.  I was crouching in the kitchen trying to make sense of a cabinet that has way too many mixing bowls and pots and pans in it. When I had opened the cabinet, I got a cascade of cookware.  So, I was perched there, trying to organize it a bit... when all of a sudden... my pants must have been pulling a plumber thing.. bc all of a sudden I had icy fingers down that cleavage. I jumped! Brr. Those fingers were toasty.  And, I didn't realize these jeans did that. 

So, finding out that these jeans do that before I make a faux pas with company around? As Charlie Sheen would say, Winning!

Getting icy baby fingers in yet another cleavage of mine? Not so much.

So, take this as a warning: Should you choose to have children, your baby might decide to warm her hands in any cleavage you present to her or that is "handy".  Buy extra baby mittens.. even for summertime. 

Where are My Paid Sick Days Off?

The Flu Couldn't Keep Us Down.. or Anything Else..

So, for the past two weeks me and mine have been dealing with the flu. Flu shots be darned. Being a SAHM means you don't get sick days. So, fever of 103 and all, I took care of the kids. (My husband was able to take one day off.. thanks hun!)

The kids were tired but handled being sick ok.  The baby decided not to leave my side and stayed cocooned with me under blankets on the couch. That snuggle time was really nice and recharged her "Cute-ability" for the stuff she has since pulled.

Like the other day.. when she was crying. And holding her hand out to me for a kiss. Bc she had just obviously hurt herself, right? So, out of habit, I kiss her boo boo. But I wasn't kissing an ouchy but an Uh Oh. As in, she had stuck her fingers in the back of her dirty diaper and was ticked to have gotten them dirty. And then she came for a kiss to smooth her feelings. 

Yes. I finally kissed poop. Yes. It was gross. Yes, I did gargle tons.  

Then, there was today. All the kids are outside playing.. getting rid of the locked in stir crazies.  And I hear this sound from my laundry room.  It is a scraping sort of sound.  I couldn't figure out what was going on. So, I stepped out the back door and looked and found... A BROOM STICKING OUT OF MY DRYER VENT!!! OF COURSE! DUH, RIGHT??!!!  The three year old thought that was the place to put Daddy's outside broom. Makes sense. So does the decoration INSIDE my dryer vent of several yellow flowers.  My dryer hasn't been doing a great job lately. I think I just discovered why. 

In other words, we are BACK! Back in full swing and making up for lost time from the illness.  

Play Dates Are Like Transformers

Play Dates: More Than Meets The Eye

(Get it.. Tranformers, Play Dates.. More Than, oh Nevermind.)

On the heels of a weekend that had a really great Play Date, I am reflecting on play dates as a whole. They really are tricky beasts that can make or break a friendship.  There is a lot more involved in a play date than just getting kids together to play.  It is easy to unwittingly commit unforgivable faux pas. Play dates can be a Godsend to a stay at home mom. Or they can just be a disaster.

Usually, there are two types of play dates:  the play dates that are really for the parents and the play dates that are really for the kids.   In the first type, you get to the play date, the kids scamper off, and the grown ups sit around and snack and chat.  Pretty basic.  The second type is for the kids. Be prepared to sit on the floor with the children, or take them someplace like a playground, park, museum, etc.  

In any case, I have learned a few things about play dates over the years.  

1. Play dates highlight personality traits in your grown up friends that you may not have noticed otherwise.  You might discover your friend is a helicopter parent and by comparison makes you feel neglectful.  You know those moms.. the ones that are at the ready before their kid even sneezes to give them a tissue. Or, they might freak out if their angel skins their knee. What about those moms that are too blase when their kid hits yours? I personally love the other parents that parent my children with me sitting right there.  Once, someone told my child not to touch something that actually belonged to ME. I said it was ok. The other mom actually got up and scolded my child again and took the item from my child. Which led to an uncomfortable discussion where, after I handed my confused and upset child back the item, I gently explained that I wanted my child to respect and listen to the other adult. But if they wanted to reprimand my child in front of me and I had to overrule them like that in front of my child in the future, it would be really hard for my child to develop and maintain a healthy respect for that adult.  Yeah. Unpleasant, right?  
2. It is very very easy to commit play date faux pas. Baked cookies as a nice treat? Uh Oh! Didn't you know that would label you as a junk foodie who can't be trusted with a child's nutritional needs?! Yep. Some parents limit sweets. These parents will actually turn down play dates with you sometimes if they don't want their kid exposed to chocolate. Nevermind your kids eat broccoli and love it and ask for water to drink.. You are forever branded as the junk food mom. Also, didn't you realize this kid had food allergies? Oops again.  OR, what if.. you put a kids' movie on? A nice Disney classic. How about Princess and the Frog? WHOA! Play date sin, extraordinaire!  Some parents view play dates as more about the kids and that the kids did not get together so they could sit on the couch lazily together. Personally, if the kids are happy and quiet and you can get a good conversation in, I call it fine sometimes to have a movie play date... Other moms, not so much. Now you are also branded as the junk tv mom. Nevermind your 5 yr old reads on a 5th grade level and can do math. Another problem with this is that some moms are even offended by certain subject matter in rated G cartoons. I convinced a mom friend to buy Princess and the Frog when it came out on DVD. I showed her how to work a great coupon deal to get paid to own this movie. She hadn't seen it yet, but thought "Get paid $1 to own a Disney movie on DVD? Sign me up!"  She got the movie home, watched it, and decreed the Voodoo man scenes too dark and against her beliefs.  Now, I am branded as "that mom".  Oops.  At least she got paid to own it, right??
3. If you want to be invited back, you must leave things in as good a condition or better than you got to the play date.  I learned this one when I spent HOURS cleaning my house to get it ready for a play date. Within ten minutes of these two kids arriving, my whole house was TRASHED. These kids dumped every toy we own out.  Then, their mom said it was time to leave. And they did. With every toy in my house dumped out. Do you think they wanted another invite?  
4. Bringing a happy or a treat (IF YOU KNOW IN ADVANCE TREATS ARE ALLOWED!!) to a play date gets you bonus points.  As in, if your always calm child has a moment and slaps another kid, and you act contrite about it, you may or may not get invited back. BUT, if you brought coloring books and stickers to leave behind, you might get invited back again in like 6 months.  Really, at the point I am where I have 3 kids that want to snack on a play date, I always try to bring something. I don't think the burden should be on the other mom to feed  all of my kids.  and SHARE what you bring!
5. Play dates are embarassing. Like when your child walks into the living room stark naked. Or when your friend's child walks into the bathroom and proclaims that someone forgot to flush their poo. And we all love a good heart stopping "where's my child" moment.. you know.. when one of your kids escapes the house and is found wandering in your friends large unfenced backyard... OOH! The BEST one happened to me a year and a half ago. One of my kids escaped my friend's house on a cold winter day and was found NAKED wandering the backyard. I had to chase that little demon, angel I mean, back and forth while they giggled and ran all over the yard NAKED. Come to think of it, we haven't been invited back to that house for a play date...

There is just so much more to a simple play date than you might realize at the onset.  These can be stressful events. And awkward ones. Kids are unpredictable. Often, grown ups can be unpredictable in how they relate to their kids, or even yours. And, nothing can tick your friend off faster than a perceived slight about their child. 

Accidents happen on a play date. Embarrassing things happen on a play date. Play dates can be very interesting and enlightening. And believe me, despite your best intentions, you are going to commit a faux pas. Or you child will.

The moral of this rambling post is that if you find folks that you are compatible with on a play date, you better hold on tight that relationship.  Being friends is one thing. Being able to relax and gel on a play date is just another thing altogether. 

Oh, and safety pin your kids' clothes to them.

A Gift From the Heart, From My 5 Yr Old, to My Almost 3 Yr Old

The Countdown to the Big Princess and The Frog 

Birthday Party has Started.

And Sister Knows What Gift She Wants to Give

The other day I was at the Outlet Mall. I noticed that Disney was having an additional 25% off clearance items sale.  Knowing that my 5 yr old hasn't yet picked out a gift to give her sister on Friday at the big birthday party, I stopped in to see if they had any Princess and the Frog items on clearance.  And, super woot! They did. They had a Prince Naveen Frog Plush for about $4 (Down from $16!). So, I got that, got a clearanced reusable bag to use as gift bag for 74 cents, and then went looking for the perfect finishing touch.  I found that at Harry and David's: Gummi Frogs!! (about $2)

I came home really excited.  Usually, my 5 yr old has gummies on the brain. I thought I could take her in the back and talk to her about what type of gift she wants to get for her little sister.  I just knew I could lead her down the path to say "something Princess and the Frog and some gummies."

No such luck.

Me: Have you thought about what you want to give your sister on her birthday? 

Precocious: Yes, I already gave her her gift.

Me: Oh?

Precocious: Yep. I gave her the nice Mario tag off my new rolling Mario Backpack

Me: The price tag with the picture of Mario on it??

Precocious: Yep, that's the one!

Me: I don't think that will fly as an actual gift. Trash is not a gift.

Precocious: Oh. It's not? Oh. Ok. 

Me: Can you think of anything she might like? What is her birthday about? What do you like to get on your birthday? Can you think of a gift like that?

Precocious:  Oh, I know! I will give her my love.

This child is a lost cause at this point. So, I give up.

Me: Ok. How about this. You are giving your sister this plush frog, these gummies, and this neat gift bag. What do you think of that?

Precocious: Perfect. Thanks, Mom. Can I go play video games now? 

Eye Roll.

Watch Out, The 2 Yr Old Holds Grudges... and Remembers EVERYTHING!

My 2 Yr Old is Passionate and Has a Memory Like an Elephant.

This Has its Disadvantages Sometimes...

This past week meaningless cuteness has abounded. There really was not a good "thing" to blog about. I can describe smiles and odd behaviors, but sometimes that special "something" gets lost in the translation into written word.  My 2-yr old, while calling to wish her Granny a Happy Birthday, supplied the subject for this post.

See, my middlest has a really great, detailed memory.  AND, she is fiercely loving, or just fierce, depending on the situation. She is a rough and tumble kind of girl in pearls and a dress. And, she has a ewwy gooey heart under it all. She can punch like a boy, but is all soft and vulnerable like a girl.  Poor little oxymoron.. 

The whole memory thing just makes it all so much more vivid.  For example, every day she has to talk about our beloved dog whom she misses "whole lot". Every day. She is "sad, Mommy. Cuz I miss our favorite doggy whole lot."  This is the dog we gave to a family with a nice farm almost a year ago. We had the dog for almost two years. The reasons for giving our little love bug of a dog away are complex. AND, the family she went to had a rescued dog that needed a gentle playmate for rehab purposes. They are a good match and we get pictures from time to time still.. and still.. my almost 3 yr old misses her "whole lot."

Then, there was the day about a week ago when my husband and I and the 2 yr old had a miscommunication over an Oreo.  She asked me if she could get an Oreo out of the fridge (YES the Fridge). I said yes. My husband missed the whole exchange and saw a presumptuous preschooler getting a cookie "without asking." He chastised her and took the cookie away. And promptly broke her heart. She cried and screamed these heart wrenching screams. She started to try and tell him I said it was ok, but her little voice was hitching and breaking.  Finally, I realized what was going on and scooped her up and told my husband I had given permission.  He apologized profusely to her and hugged and loved on her and even gave her an extra cookie. It was over and done with.

Until today. Out of the blue, as my husband leaves the house for work this morning, the 2 yr old tells him "I so mad at you! You took my cookie! You so sorry! I give you (forgive). I love you and I like you and I miss you at work."

Yeah. Mind like a steel trap.

BUT WAIT, didn't I say something about my Mother In Law's bday today? Yes. The 2 yr old called her Granny to say Happy Birthday. Only, the conversation went something like this:

"Hi, honey! I am so happy to hear from you today!"

"Hi Ganny. I so mad at you."

"Oh??! Why?"

"Cuz you turned into that mean monkey on Mario (64) and BIT me! You BIT me Ganny! I so scared. You turned into a monkey!!!"

"Oh my! I am so sorry! I won't turn into a monkey and bite you again."

"Ok. I give you. You so sorry you are a monkey that bite me.   OH. Ganny? Happy Birday. I love you." 

See, this is really funny. Because my middlest had a bad dream MONTHS ago that her Granny turned into the mischievous monkey  on Mario 64 that steals Mario's hat. Only, this time, the monkey, Granny, bit my daughter.  This was during a period when the eldest was obsessed with Mario 64 and played it all the time.  So much so that it gave her little sister nightmares.  The problem is in how the dream was handled. Like this time, Granny was bemused and just went along with it and apologized for turning into a monkey and biting my child the last time months ago that my child confronted Granny about this shape-shifting and biting behavior. We all know Granny didn't really do that. AND, we all got a good laugh at my child's earnestness in the dream. Only, by apologizing, Granny inadvertently legitimatized the dream and made it a part of my child's every day reality.  Now, my 2 yr old is holding that memory.. and a grudge.  

I am so sure we will continue to laugh about this for years to come. Poor Ganny has some making up to do now though. Because the two year old is PISSED that her Granny became a monkey one night months ago and bit her.. on the finger. And yes, she will to this day show you just which finger Ganny bit her on.

Fool Me Once...You're Never Gonna Fool Me Again.. Well...

Cinnamon Heart Gummies Are for the Husband

NOT for the Forgetful Baby

I bought cinnamon heart gummies for Valentine's Day for my husband.  These are gourmet ones from Harry and David and have a nice little hot kick to them.  

This morning I am sitting at the counter, working on my blogs, and the baby is in my lap.  She is causing all kinds of mayhem... typing on the computer, trying to grab my coffee, tearing bills up, etc.  I keep saying no and handing her something else.  All of a sudden, she spots the cinnamon gummies. They are heart shaped and red. So, of course, she thinks they are for her. I sigh and say to myself, "well... why not.." and I let her grab one.  

The reaction is quite priceless.  The first chew or two is pleasantly sweet. Then, the heat kicks in. She frowns, hacks, and spits it out. Sticky red goo everywhere. Then, she gulps some water.  I figure a lesson in not meddling is learned for now. 

Wrong. She settles back in my lap and exclaims "ah back! ah it back!" (Give it back) and reaches her greedy hand back towards the heart gummies. I remind her that is not a path she wants to go down. So, she starts growling at me.

So, I hand her another gummie. She fusses and hacks and hates them again... 

You get the idea. She has been trying to repeat the pattern all morning. I stopped giving them to her. And she will fuss. Then, I scold her. Then, she gets repentant and kisses me (are-we   "sorry").  Then, she sees the gummies again. And it all starts all over.  

What is that saying? "Fool me once.. shame on you... fool me twice, you're never gonna fool me again??"  See how well that version worked out for George W.. I think the baby is likewise confused. 

An Important Distinction

Out of the Mouths of Babes:

A Mini Post For Valentine's Day

My soon to be three-year old is in THAT stage: Tantrum and Tears after Tantrum and Tears.  Everything sets her off. "The baby threw her wipes in the trash."  "I want to watch Word Girl but Martha Speaks came on."  "I don't like meatloaf.. (but we are having chicken nuggets) I KNOW! But I DON'T LIKE MEATLOAF!"

So, when she decides to flip her switch the other way and be sweet, it is a welcome relief.  And, this girl is very sweet.  She is very smart, too. Much smarter than she even realizes.  

Today, I picked her up and she said, "I love you Mommy. I love you AND I like you."

You know what? That is an important distinction to make.  I know she loves me. We are family. We all love each other in this house. BUT, she also LIKES me.  That is almost more touching to me.  Crazy little heart  melter!

*Maybe she does know how smart she is. After all, during a tantrum, she will yell "I hate YOU (pause pause pause) telling me NO!"  Because she knows there is major heck to pay if she tells any of us she hates us.... 

Ah, I love that passionate girl!

HOLY CRAP!

This is Getting Supooplerous.

So, the baby walked up to me, hands outstretched a few minutes ago. I was like WTF?! How in the WORLD did she get into the Keebler Fudge Cookies I keep in the fridge? (Yes, I keep our cookies in the fridge. For kid and ant control.)

She had fudge ALL OVER HER HANDS AND TUMMY.  See, she just perfected this new skill.. you know.. taking all her clothes off. It is great. 

Only, it wasn't FUDGE. And it didn't smell like cookies. 

Yes, my friends. She pooped, stripped down to her diaper, then plunged her hands in the back of her diaper to investigate and paint herself. All in the manner the about 3 minutes it took me to go pee real quick like.  

Is this better than pooping on my hallway floor or in the tub? I really don't think so. Nope. I don't think so at all. 

Now, all the kids are having a bubble bath.  Don't worry, I cleaned the baby up before putting them in the tub. AND I have thoroughly Lysoled and scrubbed myself. AND I have gone all over the living room smelling the furniture and such just in case the finger painting was not limited to her body.

Where is MR MOM??!?!!?!! I wanna trade!

Who Let the Monkey in the Back Seat?

Today's Car Ride to the Grocery Store:

From Burger King to Bananas

Today was a bit of a hectic sort of day. Everyone at home is sick to some degree. I, myself, slept in until 8 AM and had to force myself out of bed. Surprisingly, I discovered that my husband called in sick to work today so that I could sleep in a little and he could take it easy and try to get over his cold.

Sick or not, we still had to eat and bathe and such, so I still had to go make the weekly run to the market.  After deciding on a divide and conquer scenario for the shopping trip, I loaded the 2-yr old in my car and left the other girls at home with Daddy.  Since I coupon, my shopping trips take about 3 hours, door to door.  In order to maintain my sanity, I went through a drive-thru to get the little hungry 2-yr old a burger.  (Actually, the girl can eat, so I got her a $1 double burger.)

I carefully peeled back the wrapper just so and handed the burger back to her, and off I drove, down the street to get on the interstate. 

Things were quiet for a few minutes... about ten.. then, I started hearing some ooh ooh ah ah sounds. I peeked in the rear-view mirror and saw my little girl quietly making sounds to herself. She would "ooh ooh, ah ah" down at her burger in her hands. She would "ooh ooh, ah ah" at the window. Finally, she "ooh ooh, ah ah" at the front seat and caught me glancing at her.

She smiled.  "I a MONKEY, mama!"  Then, she "ooh ooh, ah ah" at me.  I found it charming and was trying to piece together her little train of thought that made her make monkey sounds in my backseat just out of the blue.

Then, she says, "This is my banana, see?" She proceeded to demonstrate peeling the burger wrapper down away from part of the burger and then taking a quick bite like she was a monkey peeling a banana.

Ah, I love how the brain of a 2 yr old works! So magical. And, a constant source of amusement. 

Ooh Ooh, Ah Ah indeed. 

I Call Shenanigans and Demand a ReCount

This Has to Be a Hanging Chad Issue.

A Post on the Best Sister Ever Requirements Bias.

This has been one of those prolific days for posts for the blog. Which is nice, because I plan to take the weekend off from the computer.  But this was too cute.

The 5 yr old was playing her 30 minutes of Mario. (Mario Galaxy for the Wii, to be exact. And, yes, she is better at the game than I am.)  Her 2 yr old sister was sitting on the couch just watching the video game.  The baby was in her bed for naptime.

So, I walk by and notice how patient and calm the 2 yr old is being. It occurs to me that she is always patient for a turn at Mario when she watches Big Sister play. I remark, "That is one good sister you have there." 

The 5 yr old turns to me and says, "I know. She's the BEST SISTER I have!"

I said, "Well, you have another sister."

"I know. The baby is the worst sister I have ever had."

I am a bit perplexed by this because she is loving, helpful, and protective of the baby.  "Well. Why is she the best sister, and the baby is the worst?" I am pretty curious at this point.

"Well. The baby is a biter and bit my sister today."

Oh. Of COURSE! Makes total sense, right? Only not so much. The two year old is infamous for biting (we are working on it). 

"Really? But both of your sisters bite."

"I know. But the baby pinches too."

Oh. Ok.  I still don't get it. At this point a mom can only smile and nod. Of course. Yes, honey. Let's forget all the scuffles the older two have had.

I still am in the dark as to what makes one a favored sister over the other. 

*As I make this post, the two-year old has whacked the five-year old over the head a few times with an empty laundry basket. Big sister reacted by saying "If you say you are sorry and give me a kiss, I will give you a dollar out of my Mario wallet for you to put in your monies to buy your GO GO dog."

Best Sister of the Year Award Goes to the Two-Year Old? I don't fully get that one!

We Don't Have Cable, So Why Am I Facing a Birds and the Bees Talk with My 5 Yr Old

Or, Why I Am Thankful To Parents Magazine

A while back, I read an article about how to have the "birds and the bees" talk with your child. It broke the sex talk and how to handle it into age appropriate sections. I remember being slightly horrified that I would have to have this talk 3 times. I was also immensely glad that I would not have to have this talk for a very, very long time. I had time to prepare. Nevertheless, I read the article and tried to remember it.

Boy, Howdy am I glad!  

The other day I was really busy doing housework. I left the kids in the living room with PBS cartoons and went about my chores.  At the end of the afternoon, I sat down with the kids to look at books and such with them.  

My 5-yr old, out of the blue, starts asking me all these questions about Sperms and what do I know about them. I start to sweat bullets. I ask her what does she mean. She says, "You know! Those swimming things. Sperms."  Calmly, I am trying to have a non-reaction and am skimming my memory for that article about the talk. I am wondering what information to give her.  

We try to be direct and calm with our kids. They call their parts by the technical terms. They don't giggle or smirk. It is what it is. We are just calmly straight forward. But, even so, this is heavy stuff for a 5 yr old. Even one that reads on a fifth grade level.  

Suddenly! I remember the article said to answer a question like this of a young child with other questions to see what they know and exactly what they are asking. I remember there was an example of a school-aged child asking about sex, but meaning Male or Female on a form from school... SO, I ask a question or two.

And laugh sooo very hard with relief.

The Wild Kratts Animal Show on PBS Kids had featured SPERM WHALES that day. 

OF COURSE! And, Duh.  Lesson learned about being too busy dusting and vacuuming to pay attention to my kids' shows. Even if they are PBS, Public Access.  

Two Year Olds Have Fancy Math

Fun With Numbers

My husband accuses me of engaging in what he calls "fancy math."  Like, when I go to CVS and buy him some Listerine. I will come home and say, "Hey! Listerine was on sale today. It was $3, but after I paid, I got $3 in Extra Bucks back, so it was like FREE!"  He says, "No, it wasn't like free at all. You paid $3.  Next time you go to CVS, you will get $3 off a different item, and that will be FREE. I am on to you and your fancy math. I know you, you will claim the Listerine as FREE and then go use the $3 off on the next trip and claim that item FREE too..."

So, is it any wonder that the two-year old gets a little confused? 

The other day she came in and asked for a snack. I said, "It isn't snack time yet." She left the room. She came back a minute later.  "Is it 39 yet, Mommy? I am hungry!" Because, apparently, 39 is the new snack time.

Then, I handed her a marshmallow yesterday. She reached out her empty hand and says, "How about 8,9, 11 more?" I gave her two more. She ran off very happy.  

My five-year old just laughs at the two-year old and walks off shaking her head.  My five-year old is really sharp with the number thing. She adds, subtracts, divides, and keeps me on track with our posted schedule. She will go look at the schedule and say "Oh! Mom! It is time for you to be done on the computer and doing laundry or chores now! See??!"  Such a good little helper!....

For now, the two-year old's fancy math is keeping things very interesting and humorous around here.. for the most part. It causes some troubles from time to time. Like when she gets a nickel or a quarter for helping with a chore. She is saving her "monies" so she can buy a Go-Go Walking Dog like big sister bought herself with her birthday money several months ago.  The fancy math gets us all into trouble because we will hand the two-year old a nickel. Her eyes will get big as saucers and light up. Then, she will exclaim, "NOW I HAVE MONIES! I CAN GO GET GO-GO!!"  Then, there is the inevitable tear fest as we try to explain why one nickel does not $50 make.  Sigh.  

I have known parents who count out of order during games of hide and seek with their children.. It speeds the tedious game up a bit when you do that, or so I hear. But then, I hear the children of said adults going around counting, "1, 2, 3, 14, 18, 36, 42, 50, 11!"  

At least I am not teaching them fancy math on purpose!  That counts, right? (see what I did there? hahaa.. counts...haha)