Play Dates Are Like Transformers

Play Dates: More Than Meets The Eye

(Get it.. Tranformers, Play Dates.. More Than, oh Nevermind.)

On the heels of a weekend that had a really great Play Date, I am reflecting on play dates as a whole. They really are tricky beasts that can make or break a friendship.  There is a lot more involved in a play date than just getting kids together to play.  It is easy to unwittingly commit unforgivable faux pas. Play dates can be a Godsend to a stay at home mom. Or they can just be a disaster.

Usually, there are two types of play dates:  the play dates that are really for the parents and the play dates that are really for the kids.   In the first type, you get to the play date, the kids scamper off, and the grown ups sit around and snack and chat.  Pretty basic.  The second type is for the kids. Be prepared to sit on the floor with the children, or take them someplace like a playground, park, museum, etc.  

In any case, I have learned a few things about play dates over the years.  

1. Play dates highlight personality traits in your grown up friends that you may not have noticed otherwise.  You might discover your friend is a helicopter parent and by comparison makes you feel neglectful.  You know those moms.. the ones that are at the ready before their kid even sneezes to give them a tissue. Or, they might freak out if their angel skins their knee. What about those moms that are too blase when their kid hits yours? I personally love the other parents that parent my children with me sitting right there.  Once, someone told my child not to touch something that actually belonged to ME. I said it was ok. The other mom actually got up and scolded my child again and took the item from my child. Which led to an uncomfortable discussion where, after I handed my confused and upset child back the item, I gently explained that I wanted my child to respect and listen to the other adult. But if they wanted to reprimand my child in front of me and I had to overrule them like that in front of my child in the future, it would be really hard for my child to develop and maintain a healthy respect for that adult.  Yeah. Unpleasant, right?  
2. It is very very easy to commit play date faux pas. Baked cookies as a nice treat? Uh Oh! Didn't you know that would label you as a junk foodie who can't be trusted with a child's nutritional needs?! Yep. Some parents limit sweets. These parents will actually turn down play dates with you sometimes if they don't want their kid exposed to chocolate. Nevermind your kids eat broccoli and love it and ask for water to drink.. You are forever branded as the junk food mom. Also, didn't you realize this kid had food allergies? Oops again.  OR, what if.. you put a kids' movie on? A nice Disney classic. How about Princess and the Frog? WHOA! Play date sin, extraordinaire!  Some parents view play dates as more about the kids and that the kids did not get together so they could sit on the couch lazily together. Personally, if the kids are happy and quiet and you can get a good conversation in, I call it fine sometimes to have a movie play date... Other moms, not so much. Now you are also branded as the junk tv mom. Nevermind your 5 yr old reads on a 5th grade level and can do math. Another problem with this is that some moms are even offended by certain subject matter in rated G cartoons. I convinced a mom friend to buy Princess and the Frog when it came out on DVD. I showed her how to work a great coupon deal to get paid to own this movie. She hadn't seen it yet, but thought "Get paid $1 to own a Disney movie on DVD? Sign me up!"  She got the movie home, watched it, and decreed the Voodoo man scenes too dark and against her beliefs.  Now, I am branded as "that mom".  Oops.  At least she got paid to own it, right??
3. If you want to be invited back, you must leave things in as good a condition or better than you got to the play date.  I learned this one when I spent HOURS cleaning my house to get it ready for a play date. Within ten minutes of these two kids arriving, my whole house was TRASHED. These kids dumped every toy we own out.  Then, their mom said it was time to leave. And they did. With every toy in my house dumped out. Do you think they wanted another invite?  
4. Bringing a happy or a treat (IF YOU KNOW IN ADVANCE TREATS ARE ALLOWED!!) to a play date gets you bonus points.  As in, if your always calm child has a moment and slaps another kid, and you act contrite about it, you may or may not get invited back. BUT, if you brought coloring books and stickers to leave behind, you might get invited back again in like 6 months.  Really, at the point I am where I have 3 kids that want to snack on a play date, I always try to bring something. I don't think the burden should be on the other mom to feed  all of my kids.  and SHARE what you bring!
5. Play dates are embarassing. Like when your child walks into the living room stark naked. Or when your friend's child walks into the bathroom and proclaims that someone forgot to flush their poo. And we all love a good heart stopping "where's my child" moment.. you know.. when one of your kids escapes the house and is found wandering in your friends large unfenced backyard... OOH! The BEST one happened to me a year and a half ago. One of my kids escaped my friend's house on a cold winter day and was found NAKED wandering the backyard. I had to chase that little demon, angel I mean, back and forth while they giggled and ran all over the yard NAKED. Come to think of it, we haven't been invited back to that house for a play date...

There is just so much more to a simple play date than you might realize at the onset.  These can be stressful events. And awkward ones. Kids are unpredictable. Often, grown ups can be unpredictable in how they relate to their kids, or even yours. And, nothing can tick your friend off faster than a perceived slight about their child. 

Accidents happen on a play date. Embarrassing things happen on a play date. Play dates can be very interesting and enlightening. And believe me, despite your best intentions, you are going to commit a faux pas. Or you child will.

The moral of this rambling post is that if you find folks that you are compatible with on a play date, you better hold on tight that relationship.  Being friends is one thing. Being able to relax and gel on a play date is just another thing altogether. 

Oh, and safety pin your kids' clothes to them.