My Life is a Hidden Camera Reality Show, Right?
There are Producers Whispering to My Kids, Right??
There are Producers Whispering to My Kids, Right??
Yesterday started off normally, just as always. It proceeded with a chain of interesting, and perhaps upon review, humorous, events that lasted the whole day long. As I put my head on my pillow late last night and reviewed the day, it hit me: I must really be the star of a new hidden camera sitcom. Surely, this is not what passes as routine for the average stay-at-home-mom.. or is it?
The 2 yr old wanted to wear her "Princess Peach" costume for the day to run errands and such. (A white dress up dress that she pretends makes her look like Princess Peach on Super Smash Brothers... I know, I know). I told her no. She pouted. I told her she could wear some lipstick instead. She cheered up and ran off to get her lipstick. *A NOTE: I really don't care if my kids wear costumes out in public. They will become more "self-aware" soon enough, and I actually pick my battles. The problem here is that we had to mail another Ebay item yesterday, and she had JUST WORN that same costume the day before to the post office. I didn't want them to think my kids don't have more than just one or two outfits.. **ANOTHER NOTE: "Lipstick" refers to a small tube of lip balm. In this case, a Charlie Brown one that Santa got on clearance for 25 cents a year ahead of this past Christmas. It went in the 2 yr old's stocking this year!
Ok, so FINALLY, after 2 hours of hemming and hawing, we are out the door. When we are ready to go, I want to GO! I don't want to spend another second in the house and hurry to load the kids up. Another second OFTEN translates into another 30+minutes and I can't stand that!
I snap the kids into their seats, and off to the post office first. We get out of the car, and I take a good look at the kids for the first time since locking the door at home. Oh, GREAT! Did you all know that cheap Charlie Brown Lip Balm as a nice pinkish-red color tint? It is one thing for the 2-year old to look like she is about to bust out with a "Why so Serious??!!" but.. but... the baby??!! Oh, yes. The baby. red smears all over her happy,smiley face. Red smears that taste like cherry and don't come off very well without soap and warm water. Oh well. (The folks at the post office really need to thank me for the "feel good" endorphines we supplied them when they chuckled at the girls...)
FINALLY, we got home, unloaded, and ate lunch. Then, I sent the little rascals to the backyard to play. I was pretty amused to see them building "nests" out of recently fallen leaves. It was even more amusing to see that they had the 16-month old doing all the work... hauling pile of leaves after pile of leaves over to their designated nest area. I turned away to do the dishes. I kept peaking on them. They were hunched over some dirt, at one point.. I poked my head out "What are you guys doing?" "We found a big pile of worms! Wanna see it??" "No, that's ok. You guys enjoy the worms. Remember that Curious George episode with the worms? Treat them nicely while you watch them!"
Well, a load of dishes done and four more requests for me to come see the worms later, I finally agree to come see the worms. But they were short and fat. And not worms. They were either grubs or maggots!! OH NO! Gag!! I scooped those kids up and threw them in a bubble bath and scrubbed them clean. The big girls assured me that the baby had not eaten any of the "worms".... Oh, I just vomitted a little in my mouth typing this paragraph!
So, the kids were scrubbed and finally the day was coming to a close. I had to count my wins for the day.. um..
Oh! AND! I was able to get the baby to forget about bringing her ever-present beloved box of Stove Top stuffing that she insists on carrying around as a lovey some days... (at my mom's, a box of Potatoes Au Gratin works as a substitute..)
Yeah. I am searching the house now for cameras.
**UPDATE: As I was typing this, the baby got a hold of that terrible Charlie Brown Lip Balm. And, she colored the living room carpet with it. Nice. Thank goodness for Goo Gone! I lost 20 minutes scrubbing that gunk out. I am putting a ban on anything other than clear LipSmacker from now on!
UPDATE 2: The 2 yr old snuck the gorgeous big green bell pepper off the counter that I was planning to use in some dirty rice for dinner... As I was scrubbing the carpet, I see her tossing a new green ball up in the air and catching it. That's good. She's entertaining herself.. wait.. I don't remember her getting a new green ball... at the same instant I realize what's going on she says "I'm sorry!! I'm sorry!! I broke it! OH NO!" Yep. She didn't catch it on the last toss.. the toss where I realized what she had.. and it broke into bits all over the Goo Gone covered carpet.
No cameras in the house? No producer whispering ideas to the kids? Really? Maybe someone should do a show on my life.
The 2 yr old wanted to wear her "Princess Peach" costume for the day to run errands and such. (A white dress up dress that she pretends makes her look like Princess Peach on Super Smash Brothers... I know, I know). I told her no. She pouted. I told her she could wear some lipstick instead. She cheered up and ran off to get her lipstick. *A NOTE: I really don't care if my kids wear costumes out in public. They will become more "self-aware" soon enough, and I actually pick my battles. The problem here is that we had to mail another Ebay item yesterday, and she had JUST WORN that same costume the day before to the post office. I didn't want them to think my kids don't have more than just one or two outfits.. **ANOTHER NOTE: "Lipstick" refers to a small tube of lip balm. In this case, a Charlie Brown one that Santa got on clearance for 25 cents a year ahead of this past Christmas. It went in the 2 yr old's stocking this year!
Ok, so FINALLY, after 2 hours of hemming and hawing, we are out the door. When we are ready to go, I want to GO! I don't want to spend another second in the house and hurry to load the kids up. Another second OFTEN translates into another 30+minutes and I can't stand that!
I snap the kids into their seats, and off to the post office first. We get out of the car, and I take a good look at the kids for the first time since locking the door at home. Oh, GREAT! Did you all know that cheap Charlie Brown Lip Balm as a nice pinkish-red color tint? It is one thing for the 2-year old to look like she is about to bust out with a "Why so Serious??!!" but.. but... the baby??!! Oh, yes. The baby. red smears all over her happy,smiley face. Red smears that taste like cherry and don't come off very well without soap and warm water. Oh well. (The folks at the post office really need to thank me for the "feel good" endorphines we supplied them when they chuckled at the girls...)
FINALLY, we got home, unloaded, and ate lunch. Then, I sent the little rascals to the backyard to play. I was pretty amused to see them building "nests" out of recently fallen leaves. It was even more amusing to see that they had the 16-month old doing all the work... hauling pile of leaves after pile of leaves over to their designated nest area. I turned away to do the dishes. I kept peaking on them. They were hunched over some dirt, at one point.. I poked my head out "What are you guys doing?" "We found a big pile of worms! Wanna see it??" "No, that's ok. You guys enjoy the worms. Remember that Curious George episode with the worms? Treat them nicely while you watch them!"
Well, a load of dishes done and four more requests for me to come see the worms later, I finally agree to come see the worms. But they were short and fat. And not worms. They were either grubs or maggots!! OH NO! Gag!! I scooped those kids up and threw them in a bubble bath and scrubbed them clean. The big girls assured me that the baby had not eaten any of the "worms".... Oh, I just vomitted a little in my mouth typing this paragraph!
So, the kids were scrubbed and finally the day was coming to a close. I had to count my wins for the day.. um..
Oh! AND! I was able to get the baby to forget about bringing her ever-present beloved box of Stove Top stuffing that she insists on carrying around as a lovey some days... (at my mom's, a box of Potatoes Au Gratin works as a substitute..)
Yeah. I am searching the house now for cameras.
**UPDATE: As I was typing this, the baby got a hold of that terrible Charlie Brown Lip Balm. And, she colored the living room carpet with it. Nice. Thank goodness for Goo Gone! I lost 20 minutes scrubbing that gunk out. I am putting a ban on anything other than clear LipSmacker from now on!
UPDATE 2: The 2 yr old snuck the gorgeous big green bell pepper off the counter that I was planning to use in some dirty rice for dinner... As I was scrubbing the carpet, I see her tossing a new green ball up in the air and catching it. That's good. She's entertaining herself.. wait.. I don't remember her getting a new green ball... at the same instant I realize what's going on she says "I'm sorry!! I'm sorry!! I broke it! OH NO!" Yep. She didn't catch it on the last toss.. the toss where I realized what she had.. and it broke into bits all over the Goo Gone covered carpet.
No cameras in the house? No producer whispering ideas to the kids? Really? Maybe someone should do a show on my life.
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