My Husband's Off-Beat Sense Of Humor Almost Got Him Pummeled at Walmart When I Was Pregnant the First Time...
My first pregnancy was very unique. Of course, all first pregnancies are unique. You are experiencing pregnant nuance for the first time. But, I mean mine was VERY UNIQUE. This is because animals made me cry. All the time. For hours.
I was very sensitive to the plight of any and all animals. Disney movies? Forget it! My dr banned me from watching them at one visit when I cried telling her about how I watched Lion King the previous week. Those abused animal needs your financial support PSAs on TV? Yep. Waterworks! We would drive down the road and my husband would say "OK" and I would know to avert my eyes so I would not see the roadkill. It was pitiful.
One afternoon, my husband and I were watching Penn & Teller's BS show. We love that show. Well, this afternoon, for whatever reason, they were doing a magic trick where it "goes wrong" (all on purpose, you know!) and they accidentally throw a cute white bunny into a woodchipper. Yep. Fluff and gore everywhere. My husband immediately pauses the tv with a look of horror.. not at the magic trick "gone wrong" but because he knows what's coming. He looks to me and I burst out in hysterics. Crying like there is no tomorrow. I cried for about 45 minutes before he could calm me enough to convince me to play the rest of the show and see how it was a trick. I agree. Sure enough, Penn & Teller reveal it was only a trick. "See, here is the real bunny.." Only, to be provocative, after showing the real bunny, this bunny JUMPS into the woodchipper. Penn &Teller look horrified, explain this wasn't supposed to happen and OOPS! Of course, this bit was planned too... this is just their style. BUT I LOST IT! For another hour. That poor bunny! His poor bunny mother not knowing where he went....
Finally, my husband calms me and says "let's watch something else..." and he puts in the first VHS he can put his hands on... a Nature Documentary. What could go wrong with that, right? Someone had already been watching it and it was queued to a spot where these cute little ducks are on the edge of this cliff... "Oh No. Honey, this is where they live. They are fine. Calm Down". The narrator joyfully explains the ducklings are learning to fly today.. by jumping off this cliff.. and then a handful of the ducklings launched themselves off the cliff... VHS pause. "Honey. You heard him.. they are learning to fly. This is natural. They are fine.. don't tear up.. you'll see... oh.. don't start to cry.. here, watch" The narrator "Those ducklings that survive the fall NOW have to watch out for this hungry fox."
That was it for shows for the day. I cried a total of 5 hours that day. But that isn't the animal/pregnancy story I wanted to share today. That was just the background info so you can really appreciate this story. So you can see how my husband had tried to be good about this animal stuff. How one day, on one trip to Walmart, he decided to have fun with it since he had to deal with it constantly at home.
We had just pulled into the Walmart parking lot, having successfully avoided all views of roadkill along the way. My husband helped haul me out of the car and we were walking hand-in-hand through the lot. When, all of a sudden, I saw it first... this super cute, super little, super squished flat, dead bird. In the middle of the parking lot. It was so cute and heart breaking. I started crying as quietly as possible.... but I was sobbing. My husband pulled me into Walmart as quickly as possible, trying to distract me before I collapsed into full blown hysterics. (Hormones are really tough on pregnant women... this was my "trigger" remember)
As we were walking in, 3 military individuals were on their way out. My husband, ever the improvising, quick thinking comic, formulated his plan on the fly. He waited until the military folks were almost past us and says kind of loudly.. "Well, if you wouldn't talk back to me, I wouldn't have to hit you like that. This is all your fault. Remember that!" Keep in mind, the military guys heard this, and saw a very pregnant lady sobbing with one hand on her mouth, and one hand clutching her belly for support. Her husband obviously had a firm grip on her and was leading her forward quickly. I saw their hands clench up into fists and saw them start to turn ever so slightly in our direction, just barely altering the direction of their steps. UH OH. I was crying and couldn't get words out very well. I waved at them in a "no, no" fashion and could only say... "Joke.. no! No... dead bird.. so sad... parking lot." They looked confused, and I guess they decided not to get involved with our particular brand of crazy.. they turned back and walked away.
My husband has always had a certain brand of humor about him. He keeps life entertaining. This probably wasn't the first time and wont be the last time it gets him into trouble.
I am happy to report that I got the tears under control by the time we got our buggy and headed off to Produce. Well. That is, until we got to produce. Then, as I turned to contemplate the tomatoes, I turned back around to find my buggy totally upside-down with my bag of oranges sitting on top of it and my husband walking innocently off towards another section. This is hilarious now. That day, it was my last straw and I stood there crying again. Did I mention I was about 9 months pregnant at this point?
Thankfully, I was not prone to these types of hysterics during subsequent pregnancies. My husband had too much fun with them.
I was very sensitive to the plight of any and all animals. Disney movies? Forget it! My dr banned me from watching them at one visit when I cried telling her about how I watched Lion King the previous week. Those abused animal needs your financial support PSAs on TV? Yep. Waterworks! We would drive down the road and my husband would say "OK" and I would know to avert my eyes so I would not see the roadkill. It was pitiful.
One afternoon, my husband and I were watching Penn & Teller's BS show. We love that show. Well, this afternoon, for whatever reason, they were doing a magic trick where it "goes wrong" (all on purpose, you know!) and they accidentally throw a cute white bunny into a woodchipper. Yep. Fluff and gore everywhere. My husband immediately pauses the tv with a look of horror.. not at the magic trick "gone wrong" but because he knows what's coming. He looks to me and I burst out in hysterics. Crying like there is no tomorrow. I cried for about 45 minutes before he could calm me enough to convince me to play the rest of the show and see how it was a trick. I agree. Sure enough, Penn & Teller reveal it was only a trick. "See, here is the real bunny.." Only, to be provocative, after showing the real bunny, this bunny JUMPS into the woodchipper. Penn &Teller look horrified, explain this wasn't supposed to happen and OOPS! Of course, this bit was planned too... this is just their style. BUT I LOST IT! For another hour. That poor bunny! His poor bunny mother not knowing where he went....
Finally, my husband calms me and says "let's watch something else..." and he puts in the first VHS he can put his hands on... a Nature Documentary. What could go wrong with that, right? Someone had already been watching it and it was queued to a spot where these cute little ducks are on the edge of this cliff... "Oh No. Honey, this is where they live. They are fine. Calm Down". The narrator joyfully explains the ducklings are learning to fly today.. by jumping off this cliff.. and then a handful of the ducklings launched themselves off the cliff... VHS pause. "Honey. You heard him.. they are learning to fly. This is natural. They are fine.. don't tear up.. you'll see... oh.. don't start to cry.. here, watch" The narrator "Those ducklings that survive the fall NOW have to watch out for this hungry fox."
That was it for shows for the day. I cried a total of 5 hours that day. But that isn't the animal/pregnancy story I wanted to share today. That was just the background info so you can really appreciate this story. So you can see how my husband had tried to be good about this animal stuff. How one day, on one trip to Walmart, he decided to have fun with it since he had to deal with it constantly at home.
We had just pulled into the Walmart parking lot, having successfully avoided all views of roadkill along the way. My husband helped haul me out of the car and we were walking hand-in-hand through the lot. When, all of a sudden, I saw it first... this super cute, super little, super squished flat, dead bird. In the middle of the parking lot. It was so cute and heart breaking. I started crying as quietly as possible.... but I was sobbing. My husband pulled me into Walmart as quickly as possible, trying to distract me before I collapsed into full blown hysterics. (Hormones are really tough on pregnant women... this was my "trigger" remember)
As we were walking in, 3 military individuals were on their way out. My husband, ever the improvising, quick thinking comic, formulated his plan on the fly. He waited until the military folks were almost past us and says kind of loudly.. "Well, if you wouldn't talk back to me, I wouldn't have to hit you like that. This is all your fault. Remember that!" Keep in mind, the military guys heard this, and saw a very pregnant lady sobbing with one hand on her mouth, and one hand clutching her belly for support. Her husband obviously had a firm grip on her and was leading her forward quickly. I saw their hands clench up into fists and saw them start to turn ever so slightly in our direction, just barely altering the direction of their steps. UH OH. I was crying and couldn't get words out very well. I waved at them in a "no, no" fashion and could only say... "Joke.. no! No... dead bird.. so sad... parking lot." They looked confused, and I guess they decided not to get involved with our particular brand of crazy.. they turned back and walked away.
My husband has always had a certain brand of humor about him. He keeps life entertaining. This probably wasn't the first time and wont be the last time it gets him into trouble.
I am happy to report that I got the tears under control by the time we got our buggy and headed off to Produce. Well. That is, until we got to produce. Then, as I turned to contemplate the tomatoes, I turned back around to find my buggy totally upside-down with my bag of oranges sitting on top of it and my husband walking innocently off towards another section. This is hilarious now. That day, it was my last straw and I stood there crying again. Did I mention I was about 9 months pregnant at this point?
Thankfully, I was not prone to these types of hysterics during subsequent pregnancies. My husband had too much fun with them.
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