HOLY CRAP!

This is Getting Supooplerous.

So, the baby walked up to me, hands outstretched a few minutes ago. I was like WTF?! How in the WORLD did she get into the Keebler Fudge Cookies I keep in the fridge? (Yes, I keep our cookies in the fridge. For kid and ant control.)

She had fudge ALL OVER HER HANDS AND TUMMY.  See, she just perfected this new skill.. you know.. taking all her clothes off. It is great. 

Only, it wasn't FUDGE. And it didn't smell like cookies. 

Yes, my friends. She pooped, stripped down to her diaper, then plunged her hands in the back of her diaper to investigate and paint herself. All in the manner the about 3 minutes it took me to go pee real quick like.  

Is this better than pooping on my hallway floor or in the tub? I really don't think so. Nope. I don't think so at all. 

Now, all the kids are having a bubble bath.  Don't worry, I cleaned the baby up before putting them in the tub. AND I have thoroughly Lysoled and scrubbed myself. AND I have gone all over the living room smelling the furniture and such just in case the finger painting was not limited to her body.

Where is MR MOM??!?!!?!! I wanna trade!

Who Let the Monkey in the Back Seat?

Today's Car Ride to the Grocery Store:

From Burger King to Bananas

Today was a bit of a hectic sort of day. Everyone at home is sick to some degree. I, myself, slept in until 8 AM and had to force myself out of bed. Surprisingly, I discovered that my husband called in sick to work today so that I could sleep in a little and he could take it easy and try to get over his cold.

Sick or not, we still had to eat and bathe and such, so I still had to go make the weekly run to the market.  After deciding on a divide and conquer scenario for the shopping trip, I loaded the 2-yr old in my car and left the other girls at home with Daddy.  Since I coupon, my shopping trips take about 3 hours, door to door.  In order to maintain my sanity, I went through a drive-thru to get the little hungry 2-yr old a burger.  (Actually, the girl can eat, so I got her a $1 double burger.)

I carefully peeled back the wrapper just so and handed the burger back to her, and off I drove, down the street to get on the interstate. 

Things were quiet for a few minutes... about ten.. then, I started hearing some ooh ooh ah ah sounds. I peeked in the rear-view mirror and saw my little girl quietly making sounds to herself. She would "ooh ooh, ah ah" down at her burger in her hands. She would "ooh ooh, ah ah" at the window. Finally, she "ooh ooh, ah ah" at the front seat and caught me glancing at her.

She smiled.  "I a MONKEY, mama!"  Then, she "ooh ooh, ah ah" at me.  I found it charming and was trying to piece together her little train of thought that made her make monkey sounds in my backseat just out of the blue.

Then, she says, "This is my banana, see?" She proceeded to demonstrate peeling the burger wrapper down away from part of the burger and then taking a quick bite like she was a monkey peeling a banana.

Ah, I love how the brain of a 2 yr old works! So magical. And, a constant source of amusement. 

Ooh Ooh, Ah Ah indeed. 

I Call Shenanigans and Demand a ReCount

This Has to Be a Hanging Chad Issue.

A Post on the Best Sister Ever Requirements Bias.

This has been one of those prolific days for posts for the blog. Which is nice, because I plan to take the weekend off from the computer.  But this was too cute.

The 5 yr old was playing her 30 minutes of Mario. (Mario Galaxy for the Wii, to be exact. And, yes, she is better at the game than I am.)  Her 2 yr old sister was sitting on the couch just watching the video game.  The baby was in her bed for naptime.

So, I walk by and notice how patient and calm the 2 yr old is being. It occurs to me that she is always patient for a turn at Mario when she watches Big Sister play. I remark, "That is one good sister you have there." 

The 5 yr old turns to me and says, "I know. She's the BEST SISTER I have!"

I said, "Well, you have another sister."

"I know. The baby is the worst sister I have ever had."

I am a bit perplexed by this because she is loving, helpful, and protective of the baby.  "Well. Why is she the best sister, and the baby is the worst?" I am pretty curious at this point.

"Well. The baby is a biter and bit my sister today."

Oh. Of COURSE! Makes total sense, right? Only not so much. The two year old is infamous for biting (we are working on it). 

"Really? But both of your sisters bite."

"I know. But the baby pinches too."

Oh. Ok.  I still don't get it. At this point a mom can only smile and nod. Of course. Yes, honey. Let's forget all the scuffles the older two have had.

I still am in the dark as to what makes one a favored sister over the other. 

*As I make this post, the two-year old has whacked the five-year old over the head a few times with an empty laundry basket. Big sister reacted by saying "If you say you are sorry and give me a kiss, I will give you a dollar out of my Mario wallet for you to put in your monies to buy your GO GO dog."

Best Sister of the Year Award Goes to the Two-Year Old? I don't fully get that one!

We Don't Have Cable, So Why Am I Facing a Birds and the Bees Talk with My 5 Yr Old

Or, Why I Am Thankful To Parents Magazine

A while back, I read an article about how to have the "birds and the bees" talk with your child. It broke the sex talk and how to handle it into age appropriate sections. I remember being slightly horrified that I would have to have this talk 3 times. I was also immensely glad that I would not have to have this talk for a very, very long time. I had time to prepare. Nevertheless, I read the article and tried to remember it.

Boy, Howdy am I glad!  

The other day I was really busy doing housework. I left the kids in the living room with PBS cartoons and went about my chores.  At the end of the afternoon, I sat down with the kids to look at books and such with them.  

My 5-yr old, out of the blue, starts asking me all these questions about Sperms and what do I know about them. I start to sweat bullets. I ask her what does she mean. She says, "You know! Those swimming things. Sperms."  Calmly, I am trying to have a non-reaction and am skimming my memory for that article about the talk. I am wondering what information to give her.  

We try to be direct and calm with our kids. They call their parts by the technical terms. They don't giggle or smirk. It is what it is. We are just calmly straight forward. But, even so, this is heavy stuff for a 5 yr old. Even one that reads on a fifth grade level.  

Suddenly! I remember the article said to answer a question like this of a young child with other questions to see what they know and exactly what they are asking. I remember there was an example of a school-aged child asking about sex, but meaning Male or Female on a form from school... SO, I ask a question or two.

And laugh sooo very hard with relief.

The Wild Kratts Animal Show on PBS Kids had featured SPERM WHALES that day. 

OF COURSE! And, Duh.  Lesson learned about being too busy dusting and vacuuming to pay attention to my kids' shows. Even if they are PBS, Public Access.  

Two Year Olds Have Fancy Math

Fun With Numbers

My husband accuses me of engaging in what he calls "fancy math."  Like, when I go to CVS and buy him some Listerine. I will come home and say, "Hey! Listerine was on sale today. It was $3, but after I paid, I got $3 in Extra Bucks back, so it was like FREE!"  He says, "No, it wasn't like free at all. You paid $3.  Next time you go to CVS, you will get $3 off a different item, and that will be FREE. I am on to you and your fancy math. I know you, you will claim the Listerine as FREE and then go use the $3 off on the next trip and claim that item FREE too..."

So, is it any wonder that the two-year old gets a little confused? 

The other day she came in and asked for a snack. I said, "It isn't snack time yet." She left the room. She came back a minute later.  "Is it 39 yet, Mommy? I am hungry!" Because, apparently, 39 is the new snack time.

Then, I handed her a marshmallow yesterday. She reached out her empty hand and says, "How about 8,9, 11 more?" I gave her two more. She ran off very happy.  

My five-year old just laughs at the two-year old and walks off shaking her head.  My five-year old is really sharp with the number thing. She adds, subtracts, divides, and keeps me on track with our posted schedule. She will go look at the schedule and say "Oh! Mom! It is time for you to be done on the computer and doing laundry or chores now! See??!"  Such a good little helper!....

For now, the two-year old's fancy math is keeping things very interesting and humorous around here.. for the most part. It causes some troubles from time to time. Like when she gets a nickel or a quarter for helping with a chore. She is saving her "monies" so she can buy a Go-Go Walking Dog like big sister bought herself with her birthday money several months ago.  The fancy math gets us all into trouble because we will hand the two-year old a nickel. Her eyes will get big as saucers and light up. Then, she will exclaim, "NOW I HAVE MONIES! I CAN GO GET GO-GO!!"  Then, there is the inevitable tear fest as we try to explain why one nickel does not $50 make.  Sigh.  

I have known parents who count out of order during games of hide and seek with their children.. It speeds the tedious game up a bit when you do that, or so I hear. But then, I hear the children of said adults going around counting, "1, 2, 3, 14, 18, 36, 42, 50, 11!"  

At least I am not teaching them fancy math on purpose!  That counts, right? (see what I did there? hahaa.. counts...haha)

Another Day in Paradise

Or, I Thought Having to Bathe the Kids 3 Times On Monday Meant the Next Two Days had to be Easy Peasy.. Right? Wrong.

This Post is to be split into little tidbit sections.. You know, for maximum absorption and enjoyment. You're Welcome.

1. Dear Baby,   There is NO TREASURE IN THE TRASH. I am sorry. There isn't. Also, the trash can is not as magical or mystical as you may believe. Things you want to replace, hide, or get rid of don't magically get taken care of when you plop them into the garbage. It is not the best place to keep the tv remote. It is not the place to hide your brand new pack of expensive baby wipes because you don't want to have your nasty butt changed. (She gets rashes when I use off brand).  It is not the place to put your sippy cup when it is empty and you are wanting a refill. And, I do not actually appreciate your help when you take your clean diaper off and throw it away. Don't say "Yay" and clap. While you are at it, please quit putting your hands down the backside of your diaper. Given your proclivity towards certain body functions, I dread finding a special kind of finger paint on my walls one day.  
2. Dear Almost 3 Year Old, Thanks so very much for not vomitting on me today. It was lovely how you managed to hold off long enough for Daddy to run in and get you a throw up bowl while I sat next to you with a cardboard Happy Meal box (full of chicken nuggets, fries, and apples I was trying to tempt her to eat) in front of your face. I figured it was better for you to puke on the dinner you weren't going to eat anyway than to get it all over my shirt as you usually manage to do during one of these spells... Anyway, thanks again! 
3. Dear 5 Year Old, It was so sweet of you to tell your sick sister you would be her servant all day today. Whatever she wanted, you would fetch for her. Then, when she said she really wanted her Tramp stuffed dog, it was really swell of you to offer her Minnie Mouse as a substitute.. you know.. because you didn't feel like looking for her Tramp dog. The thought was there though, and I know your sister appreciated it.

 So, I guess out of the many lessons learned today, my big one was that just because you give your kids 3 baths one day, does not mean you get any "get out of bathing the kids for 3 days" cards. And, yes, there was tons of laundry to be done today as well.
 

Pasta Power!

My 5-Yr Old is Obsessed with Mario

Almost a year ago, I found these adorable jean over-alls, OshKosh don't you know!, on clearance for $3.48. I bought them for my now 5-yr old. I thought she would think they were pretty. They have small embroidered flowers on them. At the very least, I knew she would wear them whenever I put them out for her, because she is my easy child and wears whatever I ask her to wear. No such luck with these. She wore them for 5 minutes and declared she would not wear them any longer, not ever again.

Until......

About 4 months ago, this same daughter developed a fixation with Mario. See, my 5 yr old is not your typical 5 yr old. She can read on an almost 5th grade level. She can add, subtract, divide, and tell you about the universe and name the dinosaurs.  She is very sharp. AND, she likes "kid stuff" but doesn't really get too into it. Then, one day, while Daddy was playing Wii, she discovered Mario and has never looked back.

She watches the Mario show on Netflix. She plays Old School Nintendo Mario, and she plays Mario Wii games like Galaxy, Smash Brothers, etc.  She reads books on the history of Mario. She listens to Mario cds of the soundtracks and sound bits from the games and can tell you what game, what level, what effect you are listening to.  She got some birthday money and went and bought the cutest pink rolling Mario backpack. Mario, Mario, Mario. She even begs for the Mario gummies at Walmart, and dreams that she, Mario, Luigi, Peach, Toad, and even Bowser are all BFFs.   

Well, guess what Mario wears... Yep. Overalls! Now that my daughter wants to dress like Mario, these OshKosh overalls get worn as fast as they get washed. I have to beg her to wear a different outfit some days.  Because on Mondays, we have to wear the overalls with a red shirt and hat so we can be Mario. Tuesday is a green shirt and hat so we can be Luigi.  Wednesday is a white shirt with pink flowers on it so we can be "Fire Mario."  Thursday we didn't wear our overalls or a hat. We were "Blue Mario." ("He's just a mirror of Mario, Mom.") Ok....  

At least the overalls are getting worn right?

*The two-year old wants in on this fascination.  She puts this lovely pink dress up costume on and proclaims herself to be Princess Peach.  I think I will institute a No Mario Monday rule.