Pet Idea Straight From PBS Kids and Kindergarten

What happens when your child's Kindergarten class spends the week learning about bats, and then PBS Kids runs a cartoon show about how cool real bats are?  Bats become reinforced as the must have pet choice.


My 5 yr old's Kindergarten class did spend a whole week talking all about bats. Every day we got new and detailed information about all the different types of bats and how cool they are.  Then, PBS Kids' Wild Kratts ran a cartoon show about brown bats. Nifty.

Now, it has been thoroughly reinforced that bats are awesome and we must have one. Now. As a pet.

My 5 yr old:
"We need to get a brown bat as a pet. Call Petsmart and see if they have any. If they don't they will call you when they get some in. Then, they will tell you which ones are diseased and which ones are not. Let's get one without disease. They will tell us to keep it inside so it wont get a fungus from outside. By the way, what color  is bat fungus? I want to know so I can avoid it when I go outside. Yeah. Bats are cool."

Wow. Just. Really. Wow.
Bats, huh?
From Petsmart, apparently.

PD Warning Against Giving Alcohol to Minors Inspires My 5 Yr Old to Become Alcoholic

Yesterday Held Unexpected Outcomes When Our Local PD Raised Awareness of Alcohol Abuse in Minors  with BRIGHT FLASHY Road Signage... And Now My 5 Yr Old Is Planning to Become an Alcoholic. D'OH!

"Mom, when I am 21 and I have a job, I am going to have a Woodchuck for breakfast every day before I go to work as a video game designer."

Way to aim high baby.

Then she says, "Is that Illegal?" 

Yeah, sort of. 

It all happened as we were running our errands around town yesterday. See, our local PD has a flashing road sign that is always lit up with some semi-humorous quote such as "Free Photos with ever DUI" or something like that. They are really trying to help the drunk driving and underage drinking problem by raising awareness locally. Yesterday, the signage was talking about how it is illegal to host a drinking party in your own home for minors.  

My 5 yr old got really annoyed when she read that.  "WHAT??! You mean we aren't allowed to have soda or water or juice or anything at our parties anymore??!!"   So, I had to explain that it was referring to alcohol. That if you are under the age of 21 you are not allowed to legally drink alcohol.  She asked, "What is alcohol? Coke? You say Coke is a grown up drink and won't let us have any."  I said, "No. Not Coke. Coke is just unhealthy. I let you drink that sometimes. Beer. Beer is alcohol."  My child responds, "OH! Well. Beer is gross. Ladies and girls do NOT drink beer. Only boys drink beer." 

Well, at least at the ripe old age of 5 she has standards.  So, I tell her that isn't the case. Some women do like beer. For example, the Woodchuck Cider that mommy sometimes drinks on a rare occasion could be considered a beer in certain circles.  She says, "Ah."

Long Pause.

Then...

"Mom, when I am 21 and I have a job, I am going to have a Woodchuck for breakfast every day before I go to work as a video game designer."

*note. We are not "drinkers" in our house. We might get a 6 pack of something and it will take myself and my husband 3 months to finish it. Currently, we don't even have any wine or cooking wine in the house.... this is why this declaration humors me so very much. It was purely prompted by the anti-minor alcohol abuse signage! 

I Have a Few Reputations.. This One Took Me By Surprise...

Have I Taken My Love of Bargaining and Bartering Too Far?


One of the ways I help my family out as a Stay At Home Mom is that I am always looking for a way to earn money for the family from home.  I buy things for resale purposes on Ebay and in my yard sales, etc. I also look at what's trending around town and figure out how to make certain items for selling... deluxe hair bows, diaper cakes, bridal shower towel cakes, diaper wreaths, baby washcloth lollipops, etc.. all very cute!

And I am pretty good at selling things and sweet talking folks, if I do say so myself.  Which is a skill that comes in handy as a SAHM! I remember one recent trip to a local restaurant where they were out of fried pickles. (how does that happen, right??!)  I very sweetly spoke with the owner and by the end of the conversation, I had him convinced it was his idea to send his unhappy about it wife to the store to go buy more pickles for us.  When she came back, in a terrible mood I might add, I had a quiet conversation with her. By the end of THAT conversation, not only was she totally pleased to have gone to get our pickles, but she was also handing out free dessert to my party of 5! :)

Anyway.. Back to the story at hand:

Well, I was visiting my mom recently and one of her best friends happens to be a good friend of mine. He was hanging out with us, and we were all discussing my upcoming yard sale.

He was joking with us and stated that he could just see a browser coming up to me holding a shirt and saying "do you have this in the next size up?" and looking at my kid.  Then, he made a comment about how he could just see me telling my child to take their shirt off and hand it to the shopper.... My mom and I exchanged a look and the room fell into an awkward silence as our friend stopped laughing and said "NO WAY! You would not do that? Oh my God! You so totally would! Wouldn't you??!!"

Ok, the truth is that I would NOT have my kid take their clothes off so I could sell them... but we got quiet before we started laughing too.. because the truth isn't too far behind that... I have had browsers make a comment along the lines of "if only you had 2 of these toys so my kids wouldn't fight over them, I would buy both of them.. With only one, I can't just buy one..." And I have then dashed in my house real quick-like and pulled the matching item out of my secret Christmas toy stash and brought it out to the customer!!! I figure, hey! Either the kids will never know the difference, or I can use the profit from the sale to either replace or buy something better in the place of that particular item....

That's not the same as pulling clothes off my kids to make a buck, right?? That's just smart business practice, right right??


Good times.

But really. My kids are totally spoiled at Christmas either way! Ha!

Selling the shirts off their backs, indeed. What do you all take me for!

They Are Smarter Than We Are... And Some of Them Even Know It...

Or, How I Almost Lost My 3 Yr Old When She Tried To Bail Out of My Moving Vehicle.....

Hello, Blog World! Miss me? I missed all of you! It has been a crazy life.. yes, crazier than usual, if you can believe it.. but enough of that.. on to the norm.. the crazy norm.

My 3-yr old has figured out what takes most kids many many years to figure out.. most don't even figure it out until well into their teenage years... that hidden truth.. you know the one... the unspoken one... 

EACH GENERATION SEEMS TO BE THE TEENSIEST SMARTER THAN THE PREVIOUS GENERATION... OR AT LEAST THEY THINK THEY ARE!  

Our parents blamed the internet or MTV... I think my generation will blame YouTube and I Phones or Twitter or whatever... But, here goes:

My 3 yr old has that terrible habit. She always says "Are we there yet? Are we there NOW?"  

So, I thought I outsmarted her. I started replying "Yep. We sure are."   At first, she would sit there a little confused. You know, the car was still moving, or we were at a red light, or since when did we move in to the Mc D's drive thru line?   Then, she got the humor and would giggle and it would make her be quiet for a while. She "got it" that she needed to be patient and quit asking and that it would be obvious when we "got there".  

Then, one day, she asked "Are we there yet?"  I replied, "yep."  And she was solidly quiet.  Nothing. Nada. Just the cold dreadful silence of a 3-yr old deep in scheming thought....

The next day, she asked "Are we there yet?" while we were cruising at a steady 55mph down the highway.  I replied smugly and happily with my "Yes, honey, we sure are."  (Did I mention how happy I was to have discovered this set of responses to that particular age old question? Once I found that response, I cut having to respond to that question from about 20 times each car ride down to just once per trip! I am so very smart!)

BUT OH NO! THIS TIME SOMETHING HAPPENED!

My daughter says very straight laced, "Ok, Mommy. I am going to unbuckle now and open my door now then."  She starts to fiddle with her buckle just enough to let it make noise and PANIC MOMMY!!! while she reaches for the door lock... 

I start freaking out and all but yelling "NO! Don't MOVE!  WE ARE NOT THERE! Do NOT OPEN THAT DOOR OR UNBUCKLE! OMG! STOP!!"  I am having kittens and about to have a heart attack... when all of a sudden these little evil giggles erupt from my back seat...

"I know, I know, Mommy. We aren't there. I just kidding."

Lesson Learned. Don't be a sassy mom. Oh my goodness. Those kids are way too smart. WAY TOO SMART FOR THEIR OWN GOOD!  Please let me survive their childhood!

Now it goes like this:

Are we there yet?

Yes We are. But don't unbuckle or Open your door. Because we aren't really there.

SIGH.

That is NOT a Brown Ball of Play Doh: A Cautionary Tale for Parents Of Preschoolers that Love Horses

CAUTION! This is ANOTHER One of THOSE Stories.. But This Time, It Is About Horse Manure.


Our friends recently got a horse. Yay! :) Free Pony Rides for the kids!

What could be bad about that, right? With a horse comes manure.  Which is fine and natural and a good fertilizer... but not so good as a substitute for balls and Play Doh.

Yesterday, my kids were playing in our friends' backyard with other kids.  This backyard is pretty neato. It has swings, and play houses, and slides, and even a sand pit!  And, as the owners of the horse are super awesome and let the kids interact with the horse and brush the horse, etc, this backyard has a small area in the back corner where the horse likes to relieve itself.

The kids stayed away from that corner all day. It was pretty easy to do as this is a LARGE backyard.

Fast Forward to the end of the day.  The horse had been put back out in the pasture.  So, I let my big kids play outside for a little while before I called them in to get cleaned up.  It is the type of situation where the older kids are fine to run and play in the yard without constant supervision. Supervision from the window with the occasional checking on them outside works fine.

I went to check on them.  I found my 3 yr old hopping over piles of horse poo. Or I thought that is what she was doing.  In reality, she was hopping ONTO the piles of poo... like a game... And as I glanced down, I realized I was STANDING NEXT TO HER SHOES! Yep. A game of Barefooted Poop Stomping was in full swing.  Then, as I started to call out to her, I stared on in shock and horror as I saw her reach down and PICK UP a round horse nugget... and THROW IT like it was a ball. She giggled and I started losing my mind and yelling at that point.


Really?? Horse Poop as toys?  Gross and Yuck.  My friend chuckled and said, "well, at least it's only processed hay and such."

Nice.

I hope I will laugh about this soon.  And I hope I NEVER catch a kid doing that again.

JimDandyPhobia

JimDandyPhobia... Because it Just Sounds so Much Better Than Plantophobia.




When my 5 yr old was about 1 and a half years old, my husband and I took her to a playground that had been neglected by the lawn care providers.  We carried her to the swings, set her down in the grass, and just stood there in shock as she proceeded to scream in abject terror.  She all but climbed her daddy trying to get him to pick her back up.  


When my 5 year old was 2 years old and we were in my car, we had the misfortune to stop the car at a light where there was lots and lots of high weeds on the corner.  She looked out the window and started proclaiming in fear and dismay "WEE! WEE!" (weeds)  She did not settle down until we drove off.


Then, she refused to play in Nana's backyard every time we visited over the next few years, UNLESS Nana called her yard guy in advance. Now, Nana has a nice backyard. It is landscaped and everything... but it is prone to those tall "Y" weeds.  


Finally, about a year ago, the 5 1/2 yr old seemed to magically and wonderfully forget this fear.  


Until Last Week.


My 5 yr old and 3 yr old were standing at my car, about to get in.  The 3 yr old took a step back to allow me to open the door for them... she stepped backward into the grass. And, right in the middle of a small cluster of "Y" weeds.  The 5 yr old GASPED! And said, "OH NO, Oh Honey! You are in the weeds! Hurry, step out!  Are you OK??!  Did that weed HURT YOU? Poor honey!"


What??! What what?? Did the WEED hurt the 3 yr old? Really??? And where the heck did "honey" come from?


The 3 yr old said "Mmm Hmmm. (yes) That bad weed hurt me. Where's the weed? What?"


Yeah.


So, I tried to look up Fear of Weeds, but all I could come up with was Fear of Marijuana, Fear of Dandylions (Jimdandyphobia), and Fear of Plants.




This is such a bizarre phobia to me. I am wondering if we will ever outgrow this one!

New Character for the Mr. Men, Little Miss Series

My 3 Year Old Loves to Be in Everyone's Business.

Today, She Came Up With a New Character for an Old Classic!

So, we are visiting friends and family right now.  I have been going super crazy dealing with the kids in new environments. They want to explore everything, get into everything, and talk everyone's ear off while they try to get all my adult friends to pay attention to them. You know, the basic joys of taking a 5 yr old, 3 yr old, and 19month old on a road trip to visit folks you don't see that often.

Today, we were chilling with a close friend of the family.  He got a phone call and my 3 yr old instantly perked up.. she wanted to know who he was talking to and why.  She said "Who's your friend? What's your friend's name? Nosy? Mama said your friend's name was Miss Nosy!"

He looked at me, I looked at him and we were both confused.. until he bust out laughing.  He "got there" quicker than I did and made the connection.  

Here's how it really went:

Our friend got the call.. and while he was talking on the phone, 

3 yr old:  Who are you talking to? Who's your friend?

Me: Miss Nosy, Hush Now!

See, I was telling my 3 yr old she was being a rude butt-insky.  She thought I was telling her that the friend's name literally was Miss Nosy.

The best part was that when our friend was done laughing, he turned to me and said, "You have GOT to I am SAHM this one!!"

I see a new character for the Mr. Men/ Little Miss series!