My 5 Yr Old is Pretty Sharp

My 5 Yr Old Pays CLOSE Attention to Everything.

I am pretty proud of my 5 yr. old. She is always soaking everything in and paying attention to all the little details.

Yesterday, the Easter Bunny made a surprise visit to our home early in the AM.  We had to rearrange the holidays due to some scheduling issues.

Upon waking to find her Easter basket, my 5 yr old says, "Oh! Is it April 24 already?? Wait. Isn't that Mom's Ebay stuff??!"

Yes, she busted us that it wasn't the real Easter. The bunny must have known we needed it a week early.  And, the Easter bunny must have gotten the basket goodies and toys from the same place that mom had gotten her Easter Ebay Inventory to sell..............

Sigh.

The funny part is that my husband and I have been so busy that we know Easter is this next weekend, but we were not sure the date off the top of our heads! We should have asked the 5 yr old.

Also, I am pretty proud of how she pays attention to my couponing and deal seeking.  Today, she spent that last of a $50 gift certificate to Target that she has had for almost 6 months.  She waited patiently for deals and coupons. What did she get for $50?

A Mario (pink) rolling backpack, a Yoshi coin purse clip on, 4 Super Mario Bro Cartoon DVDS (each bought using coupons!), the Live Action Mario Movie on DVD (with John Leguizamo.. sp?),  AND a Doodle Pro Magnetic Doodler by Fisher Price, and a Pretzel from the cafe to treat herself!

This kid of mine is pretty sharp!  

I Deserve Mother of the Year Award. So Sayeth the Rainbow!

I Have Had Some Good Ideas Lately RE The Kids.

I Think This One Is The Best One.

The Rainbow Agrees!

As is the usual, the kids got up at an ungodly hour yesterday.  I was exhausted. I have had some late nights and am really starting to get annoyed at these little alarm clocks that go off about 5 AM every day.

I am not a morning person. 

I arranged my college classes to be afternoon or night classes. I was even genius enough to get most of the classes on Tues and Thurs so I could have Fri, Sat, Sun, and Mon off in a row! (well, some semesters that worked out....) 

The unfortunate part is that my husband is not a morning person either.

So, back to yesterday. Here come the alarm clocks bouncing around the room. We had managed to put them off until about 6 or so, but that is still way too early for me. And, that was AFTER we put them BACK in bed when they first got up at 5.  

I ignore the kids. Or try to. But, it is close to impossible to ignore the pinching I am getting on my leg from my husband that appears to be blissfully asleep.  Under the covers, he is trying to make my life miserable so I will get out of bed and deal with the kids.

Out of the blue, a stroke of inspiration.... I say "GO TO THE LIVING ROOM! Put your cartoons on and let Mommy sleep. IF you let me sleep in a little today and leave me alone, I will give you SKITTLES for breakfast!!!"

WHOOSH! My room cleared immediately and I got 45 whole min longer to sleep.  (Don't judge, I was desperately tired).

My husband cracked an eye and a smile when I said they could get Skittles.  

But, I have a great idea now.  I think I am going to BAN cartoons and video games on Fridays from now on.. just to get the kids to start jonesing for them.

Then, right before I go to bed Friday nights, I am going to put out some Skittles by the TV.  I figure that by the time Sat morning comes around, the kids will be desperate for Barney.  Then, they can just wake up, go turn on Barney, and sit down with their Skittles while I sleep in a little.  

I am really loving this plan.  Rot my kids brains and their teeth!  

But, a happy well rested Mommy is a big deal too, right?  AND, my kids love salad and love to read... for the record!   Also, before you say just go to bed earlier, I go to bed at a decent time most nights.  I am always tired because these three kids take turns waking up in the middle of the night (an average of 4 times we get woken up by the kids every night) and then wake up super early.

I am sure that Skittles approves my new "how to be a good and well rested Mommy" plan. 

My New Ringtone

How to Get Peace When on The Phone:

I Think a New Ringtone is Needed

Just a short and sweet one today, folks. And, you can proceed and read without caution. This post is clean.

I had a great A HA! moment today. The kids were playing. They were watching tv. They were going to swing in the backyard. They had no time for me whatsoever.

Then the phone rang. It was my mom.. so I answered.

ALL OF A SUDDEN, I had three kids surrounding me, hounding me, bugging me, driving me crazy.  Just that fast. 

They can sense it. They KNOW when I am on the phone.  I started griping about it. Out of a general gripe came a stroke of genius:

"I can't believe this guys. I am on the phone and you are being rude. Leave Mommy alone. If I had called you to clean your play room or do chores, you would scatter.  Leave Mommy... hey.. now that's an idea..."

So, my new ringtone is going to be me calling to them in my best nagging mother voice:

"Girls! Come HERE RIGHT NOW!  Your playroom is a total wreck! Go clean it. And when you are done, go organize the pile of shoes in the laundry room!!!"

I am now guaranteed at least 15 min of them leaving me alone to hide from my chore requests before they catch on to me being on the phone..   The only thing is that my kids are really smart.  So, I am going to have to change my ring tone frequently with different words and tones and intonations.

This Blog Needs a ReName

I am SAHM

The Poop Chronicles of a One and a Half Year Old

Or, Why I am Glad I Coupon for All My Free Soap and Disinfectants.

I know, I know. ANOTHER POST about baby poop. SO SORRY! Don't Read it if you are squeamish. This one is the worst, yet.  I was thrilled to PIECES that this story happened out of town while visiting friends and family. (note the sarcasm)

One such friend is childless. I am sure I reinforced why during our visit last week. 

Last week, maybe due to traveling, who knows.. but last week, our soon to not be a baby 18month old had bad tummy problems. She went 6 days before she had a productive.. movement.  I tried all the tricks in the book to help her out... juice, watermelon, lots of water, milk (she has my lactose intolerance), and even the q-tip and vaseline trick...I am sure it is exactly what you are thinking it is... you know..  like taking their temperature.....if you can help stuff get started on its way out, sometimes that is all it takes... going in and getting a little out... usually, with my other two, that particular trick resolved the original problem within about 2 minutes.... no such luck this time. All it did was traumatize the baby... poor thing!!!!

So, I decided not to try that one again. I knew that I had one option left before having to take her to the dr... Baby Pedialax. AND! It was CHOCOLATE Flavor! I was desperate. My baby was crying and sometimes screaming in pain on regular intervals. We would be out in public, and she would walk up to me, pulling her shirt over her head, and crying "MAMA! PLEE!  POOP! HELP! PLEE!!"  But nothing would happen other than she cried.

So I gave her a dose and a half.

Her tummy gurgled all night long. I know this because she got into bed with me the third time she cried in fifteen minutes.  It was a fitful night. 

Finally, at about 7 am, she stood on the bed and her face got red. She said "POOP!" and I heard her diaper get loaded. HOORAY!

Whew. 

Only, we were not at our house, but in the guest room of the family and friends we were visiting.  (A family member who rents a room out to a friend...)  So, I made a quick decision NOT to change the baby on the bed or the floor, but to change her on the fold out Princess foam sofa that our family bought for when my kids visit. This thing has been great for 5 yrs.  And, it had a zip off slip cover just in case.. desperate times and all that.

So, I lay the baby down and start to change her diaper. Only, in the middle of taking her diaper off, she looks to the right and sees the vaseline and goes into melt down panic PTSD mode.  I tried to calm her and reassure her that I was NOT going to do that again.. that she had gone potty and I just needed to wipe her.  At 18 months she was having none of that. SO, she stood up. OF COURSE!

And, since I had just woken up, I had a night shirt and under things on. When she stood up, she pushed the dirty diaper right into my lap with her foot. Poo all over my legs and lap and well you get the point.  Then, while I was trying to wrangle her, she reached behind her saying "POOP! POOP! HELP!" and tried to get the poop off her herself. And got it on her hand, in her hair, on her clothes, in my hair, just everywhere. Then, she got still.

Thank Goodness. 

Only Not.

Round TWO of POOP landed right on me and the Princess sofa.

I was just shocked. At this point, our family member came in to check on us. She saw the situation and started to try to help. I sent her away. I mean.. no sense in her getting covered too. She went to make sure I could keep my modesty in tact while I ran half naked to the shower with a naked poop covered baby. She got our friend to go lock themselves in their room for a few moments so we could dash.

Once in the shower, we had to borrow a bar of soap and use it places even soap shouldn't go. Several scrubbings and wiping of the tub down later, I was finally ready to step out of the shower and dry off so I could then get the baby out.  She likes to sit in the spray and play.  She started playing with a toy. Only, there weren't any toys around. Yep. You guessed it.

Round THREE.

So, I wipe the tub down and start cleaning her again. 

She peed on my foot.

Then

Round FOUR.

Finally, after a hundred hours later, we were both clean, disinfected, scrubbed, and dressed. And the baby was thoroughly diapered.

And the tub and shower was disinfected, rinsed, wiped down, and scrubbed again. 

Oh, and that bar of soap went into the trash. Guess I will be couponing for a replacement! :)

It really really is one of those hilarious situations in hindsight.  And, the baby was supposed to spend some time in a baby nursery that day so I could take a nap. I was sooo tempted to send her along and let others deal with the poop for the day... but I felt too guilty about thinking about doing that. So I kept her home and took her to Shoney's to eat free at the breakfast bar. 

After all, she had about 10 lbs to regain.

Eat Your Vegetables, Don't Play With Them.

The Other Day I Had a Big Problem.

The Kids Would Not Stop Playing With Their Veggies.

The other day started with as much chaos, etc as usual. I was scrambling to get the family some breakfast and clean the kitchen. I finally grabbed a cup of coffee and stepped out of the kitchen.

And promptly lost my mind.

Every room of the house, it seemed, had been invaded... by potatoes. The first potato was found under the dining room table. I was annoyed, but it seemed about par for the course. One of the kids, probably the baby, had snuck a potato out of the pantry while I was cleaning. Nice.

I went to confront the kids in the living room. They weren't there watching cartoons. There were 2 more potatoes in their place enjoying Elmo. Ok. I went from annoyed to mildly amused and frustrated. I scooped the taters up and headed towards the play room.

Another potato greeted me in the hall on the way.  I started to think I was losing my mind at this point.

Then another potato or two in the play room and a final potato in the girls' bedroom. This final potato was in the baby's hands.  Apparently, according to the five year old, potatoes make excellent balls to roll and play catch with.  And, apparently from the marks in the potatoes, if you get hungry in the middle of playing and you are only one and a half years old, the potatoes make for a quick and easy nibble snack.  The baby also had an empty potato sack with her. I smell a conspiracy. That sack, when it was full, would have been too heavy for the baby to haul off by herself, let alone sneak out from under my nose.

SIGH.

I finally got the potatoes back where they belonged.  

Then, I go about my day filled with chores.  I get to the bathroom. Something seems "off".  I can't immediately put my finger on it.  So, I start straightening the bathroom. I get to the drawer where we keep diaper cream and flushable wipes, etc. And I find a stack of fresh carrots. The same carrots I gave the baby an hour ago to snack on. Neatly filed away in the worst drawer for foodstuffs. 

SIGH.

Then, it hits me. The foam seat part of the toddler toilet is missing. I look everywhere for it. Can't find it anywhere. 

Finally, hours and several shenanigans later, I sit down for the first time of the day.  Sitting on my couch, I immediately see the toilet seat. Wedged under my TV Entertainment center. 

SIGH.

Potatoes, Carrots, and Potty Seats.  Thankfully, a friend called and invited the kids over to play. So, I loaded the monsters up and took them to go get worn out at a friend's house.  By the time we got back home after that, it was time for Daddy to come home and help....

Do NOT Make Eye Contact With Your Kids. Or at Least Not With Mine

I Have Learned My Lesson The Hard Way:

It Is Almost NEVER a Good Thing To Make Eye Contact With My Kids.

It may sound weird or harsh, but I have learned over the years that nothing good can ever come of making eye contact with my kids. At least, not during certain scenarios. Now, to be on the safe side, I try to avoid making eye contact with them at all costs.

This is especially true in the following situations:

• When one of my children falls down.  I have to look at them from the corner of my eye to make sure they are ok. Then, I clap. And cheer. Otherwise, my kid is going to fall to pieces and yell and cry and act foolish. IF I make eye contact, the boo boo that they could have brushed off and continued on their way with just becomes this ER worthy scratch full of drama, etc.  I add the clapping bit because it startles them out of being upset they fell and makes them smile and look around for what's going on.
• When they crawl into bed with me first thing in the morning. It is technically their time to wake up and get the day started. But I am really tired.  If I don't look them in the eye and smile, I can convince them to lie quietly and snuggle for 15 minutes. As soon as either I or my husband make eye contact, it is all over. The kid wants to smile and sit up and flirt with you and the possibility to doze 15 more minutes is gone. (By the way, dear... I love how you wake up all smiles when the kids come hug on you first thing, but please.. don't keep making eye contact. That last 15 minutes of rest is precious to me!)
• When driving in the car.  Again, you realize all of a sudden that your car trip has become unexpectedly quiet and peaceful.  You glance in the rearview mirror to see what's going on or if the kids have fallen asleep.  Big mistake! You just caught one of the kids looking at you. You made eye contact. Now, within 3 minutes of this happening, your backseat will break out in pandemonium. This happens every time. Now, I try to just let the kids be magically quiet without my interference or eye contact.
• When your child does something naughty that is downright hilarious.  This is one of the few times that you should NOT make eye contact while scolding your child.  When you make eye contact, one of you will twitch trying not to smile, and then it is all over with and you are trying to contain your giggles. That is just not effective for behavior modification.
• When your child is FURIOUS at a sibling.  I don't know how universal this one is. But I do know that when my 3 yr old is mad at her older sister, I cannot make eye contact with her. If I do, she gets into big trouble. Something about my gaze makes her come take her frustration out on me. Then, we get into a stand-off. It is just really unpleasant.
• When your child is off playing happily by themselves or with their friends.  Don't ruin your peace by making eye contact. They will then decide to come bug you.
• When you are enjoying a snack or treat that the kids can't have. Or you are eating something right after they have snack and they are supposed to wait for the next meal to eat.  IF you get busted sneaking a mini Snickers, etc.. do NOT make eye contact.  If you can, pretend to do something important instead. Otherwise, you will get begged for a treat, snack, etc.
• When you are on the phone. NEVER make eye contact while you are on the phone. It is like inviting your kids to come have a conversation with you while you are already talking to someone else.

I love my kids. I do. And I spend plenty of time with them. And I make eye contact with them often. Just never in those above situations if I can help it.

The Baby Is Equal Opportunity on Cleavage

A Post About Cleavage

And Hand Warming

Just to catch you up, my 18 month old has been weaned for about 9 months, give or take a month or two.  

She has gone from embarrassing me by trying to nurse through my t-shirt when I am holding her out in public.. to reaching in my shirt and trying to "free the girls"... on to now just simply shoving her hands into my bra and cleavage to just keep them there... to warm her hands possibly?

This is a bad habit that is getting out of control. It is really hard to stay modest. Also, as the baby is in a clingy mama mood, she wants me to hold her all the time. Which gives her more opportunity to warm her hands in my cleavage no matter what type of top I am wearing.  It is a little disconcerting when she does this while we are hanging out with friends. When I am in public, I can fool myself into thinking I blend in with the scenery and no one is noticing. When you are at a friends' house and it is just two couples and the kids, it is very obvious what the baby is doing.

I think it is funny for now, but if the kid starts actually flashing nipple or something, I am going to be up a creek. This is one of those things they don't tell you about before you have children.  

Today, this cleavage hand warming habit took a turn for the worse.  I was crouching in the kitchen trying to make sense of a cabinet that has way too many mixing bowls and pots and pans in it. When I had opened the cabinet, I got a cascade of cookware.  So, I was perched there, trying to organize it a bit... when all of a sudden... my pants must have been pulling a plumber thing.. bc all of a sudden I had icy fingers down that cleavage. I jumped! Brr. Those fingers were toasty.  And, I didn't realize these jeans did that. 

So, finding out that these jeans do that before I make a faux pas with company around? As Charlie Sheen would say, Winning!

Getting icy baby fingers in yet another cleavage of mine? Not so much.

So, take this as a warning: Should you choose to have children, your baby might decide to warm her hands in any cleavage you present to her or that is "handy".  Buy extra baby mittens.. even for summertime.